The Brattychick

...of what I am dealing with when it comes to Dexter . This is just to give you some idea of the scope of the madness. I caught this act of lunacy with my phone the other day at the Merrifield Festival. Yes, that is a cowboy hat on his head. He insisted.

"Mommy look at my choo-choo trains. They're going to the promised land!"

Today Miles turned six. Today is Friday the 13th, the first one since Miles was born 6 years ago on Friday the 13th on a full moon in October. We tell him it's a lucky day in our family. I knew he would be born that day for some reason. When he came out he had a birthmark in the shape of a lightning bolt on his forehead. He still has it, but it's so faint that really only he and I know it's there. I remember thinking to myself, 'Man, what am I in for with this lightning bolt child?' Now I know. As a baby, Miles' was incredibly engaging. We called him 'Prince Charming'. He was obsessed with food from the beginning. Most babies start getting a little fussy when they're hungry and you have a few minutes to get the bottle ready. Miles screamed bloody murder the moment he felt the first pang of hunger and if I didn't whip my boob out fast enough, he would refuse to eat and scream for 20 more minutes just to let me know that that? That was unacceptable...

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank-you for this day. Please help me to be good and not to say rude things to Mommy and Daddy and Cole and Miles. Please help me feel better and fix my boo-boos with your magic. And I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Play the guitar, sing, and wear eyeliner. This is Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day . He also often wears skinny new wave ties while rocking the guyliner and this makes me have difficulty breathing.

Ugh. I need to make a tee shirt that says: ATTENTION: I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, POMPOUS ASS I am a very friendly and jokey person with everyone. This does not mean that you make me swoon. It probably just means I think you are cool. I am married. Even if I happen to tell you I have a crush on you (which I did not), I am exaggerating. It does not mean that I am in love with you. Unless you are Amanda . I am totally in love with Amanda. So don't be an idiot, you moron. You're so vain. I bet you think this blog is about you. Don't you? DON'T YOU? Dumdum.