The Brattychick

"I'd eat poopy. I'd eat poopy til my cheeks were droopy."

"Ok, take your fingers out of the holes in your face."

"I just made a taco smell after I ate at Taco Bell."

to Jamie ... "Futz your stink!"

"Whoever smelt it... it's Daddy ."

At Chicago O'Hare airport... Cole : There are like, gilded space age urinals in there. My mom: Were you admiring them? Cole: Yes.

At karaoke... Person Singing "Lean On Me": I'll share your load, if you just call me... Boy 1: I'll share your load. Heh heh. Boy 2: Load. Ha ha. More Boys crack up. Girl: What? Boy 2: Load. Girl: Huh? Heidi: [stage whisper] It's funny because it's about poop.

"Do you know what the worst word is? Pee...nut...butt...er"

rhymes with shovelling. When your nose is really runny and you wipe it on your sleeve.

"How would I freakin' cut the cheese without knowing?" [pauses] "Is that bloggable?"

...to my anonymous friend who is a new nurse... "You know that suppository isn't going to work. I just let you do it because I know you like the rectum."

The following scene takes place in our car. Heidi: Open the door and let your brother out! Dexter : I can't! My hands are full! Heidi: Your hands are gonna be full of puke if you don't open the door for your brother right now.

This post is rated NC-17, you've been warned IM Conversation with my girl, who's shy, so I'm letting her keep her anonymity. Heidi: I snuck out to your house last night even though you wouldn't sneak. I snuck without you. shygirl: So what's your next step? Heidi: cry shygirl: i like your status; poo throw poo at him. brb. potty time. Heidi: k shygirl: i'm back all this talk about throwing poo.. so i was thinking... Heidi: nice shygirl: giggle shygirl: so get your mind out of the gutter. :) Heidi: ok i'll try I totally sat in the gutter last night for an hour or something It was actually really nice I wrote my blog out there using someone's unlocked wireless network shygirl: were you ever a cheer leader? Heidi: hell no I was UNDER the bleachers shygirl: nice Heidi: smokin pot smokin pole lol shygirl: wowowowowow Heidi: I'm kidding. Sorta.

"Pooping is good."

"I had to pee but then I holded my penis and I tooted."

Heidi: So the other day Jamie and I were in the swimming pool with my 4 year old niece and I whispered to her "I'm gonna go pinch uncle Jamie's butt.", and she was like "What?" and I said "I'm gonna go pinch uncle Jamie's butt.", she laughed and then she whispered very seriously, "Don't say butt." "Ummm, ok." I said, "What do you guys say?" and she said, "Giney" (pronouced JY-nee). So I said, "Ok, I'm gonna go pinch uncle Jamie on the jyneeee? " Jamie : I sure was surprised. Heidi: I know! Surprised that you had a giney! Robin : We say butt at our house, but J's not allowed to say that at school. Heidi: We say butt too. I grew up saying butt. There's nothing wrong with butt. It's just like the stupid euphemism thing . First it was butt, then it was bum, then hiney... Every time a kid freaks out about it, I'm just like "Ok, whatever. What's your stupid word?...

"...and my stomach was like 'there's a whole chicken in here and you're riding a bumpy bus'"

From 2009

"Can you get my underwear down fwom on top of the wefwidgewato? I accidentally shot them up there."

FAMOUS AMERICAN QUOTES FROM THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION Thomas Jefferson said: "All handlebars are created equal. They are endowed by their creator with certain sleepy rights and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of toe-hair." Nathan Hale said: "I regret that I have but one famous butt tree to give to my toilet." William Prescott said: "Don't fire until you see the poisonous green of their toe-cheese." John Hancock said: "I wrote my fart large so the king could read it without his fart-butts." Paul Revere said: "The ferrets are farting!" Patrick Henry said: "Give me liberty or give me poopy-face."