The Brattychick

Blank blog. You taunt me. I want to tell you everything. But everything is complicated. It would take a really long time to write. And I am easily overwhelmed. This month is hard. My 13 year marriage is ending. We settled months ago. The negotiations for the end of the marriage took place in my lawyers office. You get married embracing each other in a room full of your family and friends. You get divorced in a building where they keep you in two separate rooms. Your lawyers, perfect strangers, run back and forth like mommy and daddy. "He wants her to stop sticking her tongue out." "Ok, she says she will if he gives her a lollipop and comes out of the corner." "Only if she gives him fried mozzarella on Wednesdays." and so on. Now that we've been separated a year the ball is rolling to end something we never thought could end. The paperwork is coming through every day. My lawyer sends me something that says "your marriage is ending" and asks...

So I'm separated, as you may or may not have gathered. I haven't written an actual piece in the last few months because I'm really not sure what to say. If there is one thing I've learned since June, it's that everyone has very strong opinions on this matter and while I have things I'd like to say, this is deeply personal and difficult. In any case, I'm still here, just treading quietly and I'm definitely not dead. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

Heidi: I was kidding. Jamie: Oh. You forgot to put the funny in that joke.

Heidi: I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round Jamie: Say you've got this friend, and she can't stand being on the planet. What good advice might you give her? Heidi: What? Are we talking about you Jame? Jamie: Doesn't matter. This is a hypothetical situation. Heidi: Uh...therapy, friends hanging out of, outside, hobbies, journal, feeling good book In that order What's going on? Jamie: K, got it, thx. Heidi: What's going on cryptic Jamie: I am a boy of mystery Heidi: :-( Spam is a mystery is this H? Jamie: No, another good friend of mine Heidi: G? Jamie: Hint: you've known her a loooong time. Heidi: me? huh? Jamie: Yeah. Was fishing for a way for you to give yourself some advice without you knowing it. Heidi: Oh Ok Jamie: Cuz you have to sneak up on that girl; she's dodgy. Heidi: How do you catch a unique girl? Jamie: Unique up on her and shoot her with a tranquilizer gun. Then you bring her...

In the bathroom. Jamie has finished brushing his teeth and left about two minutes ago. I'm posing in the mirror. He pokes his head back in. Jamie: You're supposed to follow me to bed. Heidi: Well, I was gonna pee but then I got distracted by this hot girl in here. (Pointing at the mirror) Jamie: I totally just caught you narcissizing.

Heidi: Her husband thinks I'm something else. Jamie : That's because her laces are so straight. Heidi: Yeah. He always looks at me kinda funny. Like he can't believe that they make me. Jamie: Well they don't very often .

"You're a cute alien."

Heidi: Are you flirting with the automated voice at T-mobile? Jamie : Do you know anything about flirting? Heidi: I don't even know what flirting is! I just know that I'm apparently doing it all the time. That's what I hear, anyway.

Jamie : You don't always have to have the last word. Heidi: But in my blog you always get the last punchline. Jamie: Oh.

Heidi: [looking at the phone bill] Who called us from Haddonfield New Jersey... Jamie : My girlfriend. Heidi: ...for one minute. Jamie: That's all I needed.

Heidi: That is totally a gray hair. I don't care what Daddy says. [sigh]...Well, I guess everybody has to get some gray hairs sometime. Dexter : Yeah. I'm getting brown hairs [hugs me and looks up with giant blue eyes]...I have a lot of brown hairs. Heidi: Is that weird for you? Dexter: Yeah. Heidi: Yeah, that is weird.

Cole (3/5/98) is the first-born child to Jamie and Heidi. His parents were young when they had him. His father was 23 and his mother was 18. His parents met in 1995 at their workplace, Langley Electronics and Camera. Jamie worked in the front of the store, helping customers and selling electronics, and Heidi worked behind the scenes in the photo lab. They were friends for two years before they became romantically involved. Although both his parents wanted a boy, they opted not to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. However, blue was Heidi's favorite color and everything that she purchased for the baby was blue. This dismayed her mother, who thought the baby was a girl. During her pregnancy, Heidi worked at two different photo labs and then did temp work at an auto dealership. At the time of Cole's birth and through his babyhood, Jamie was working as a web developer in a company he started with his mother and step-father. The couple had great trouble agreeing upon nam...

to Jamie ... "Futz your stink!"

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Daryl." "Daryl who?" "Daryl gone now, but dey'll come back." -by Jamie

"Whoever smelt it... it's Daddy ."

TV:...a confused man... Jamie : You are a confused man. Heidi: No I'm not. Wait. Maybe I am. Actually, I think I am totally a confused man.

I shouldn't have ever changed my last name. The DMV is still asking me for my marriage license 12 years later. And that reminds me, we just celebrated #12 on blizzard #1. So to everyone who took bets at my wedding: pay up, suckers. Come on, I know you did it. And I also know that none of you placed bets for more than five years. It's fine.

Jamie : You move your butt constantly. Heidi: I have restless ass disorder. RAD.

On January 2nd 2008 I bought a Betta fish named and named him Adriel. I bought a fish because my youngest child had gone off to school and I needed something to take care of. I named him Adriel because that was the name I wanted to name my oldest child , but my husband said "No." That is what he says to mostly everything I ask him. Except he didn't say it that nicely that time. Adriel is a boys' name, by the by, albeit a kinda girly boys name, and here is my proof. But he was a very beautiful fishy, so it seemed right that he should have a fancy name. As I have mentioned previously , I am frightened of animals. This was the beginning of my exposure therapy. I bought myself a pet that I didn't have to pet! Adriel was the most friendly little fish I've ever met. Miles even taught him how to jump. I was very sad when he died last November. I buried him near my morning glories that are the same shade of blue as he. I started writing a little memorial blog for...

Heidi: If you haven't started your evening routine in five minutes, you're going straight to bed...without supper. Dex : We already had supper. Miles : But that was the last supper. [ Jamie gives Miles a look.] Miles: What? Jesus joke. And on a related note (but a completely different group of people) for your viewing pleasure, a budget rendition of the last supper. We had to let some of the disciples go because of these tough economic times, so we're short eight or so. We also hadn't much to eat but ketchup and Guinness. Thomas , Heidi, Chris , Shawn, Nikki