The Brattychick

Miles (looking at those stick figure car stickers ): We need to get some of those people! Heidi : What? You can't just go and GET people, Miles. Cole : Unless you're in Syria 200 years ago or something. Heidi : Well, yeah...that, or you just go make people. Cole : Ooh, cool, I want to go make a person... Heidi : Noo. It's not time.

"Why must men grow bald or have receding hair lines? Ugh! Why can't they grow bald below the belt line?"

"I love old maid at lunch...it's kind of like afternoon delight."

While reading Savage Love ... Heidi: "for those of us girls who want to vomit at the thought of porn..." Really? Sara: Yeah. I don't like that. Heidi: You don't like porn? Sara: No, I don't like vomit.

niceguy: Hey do you have my wife? Tell her I promise her more beer if she'll come home. Heidi: Yes. She's coming home to bang you I'll deliver her to you niceguy: Wow she made a general announcement? Heidi: Yup She's a hot mess niceguy: I think this particular delivery service could really take off

Do not be the last poonani.

"I don't like cock like that."

Heidi: [looking at the phone bill] Who called us from Haddonfield New Jersey... Jamie : My girlfriend. Heidi: ...for one minute. Jamie: That's all I needed.

Mexico Heidi was relaxed and happy and laughed all the livelong day. Unfortch, DC Heidi is surly and bitchy and cynical most of the time. I was tagged by RedSneaks to list 10 things that make me happy. This is probably a very good, albeit difficult, exercise for February, since February almost always makes me wanna stick my head in an oven. My family. A very close friend recently was giving me the 30 second synopsis of why she had issues with her dad. She ended it by saying, "My dad is the person that I love more than anything in the world, and also the person I hate more than anything in the world." I am so in love with my family, but they reduce me to tears more often than I'm willing to publicly admit. Hip bones. When I lie on my back and my two hip bones stick out and they make this little empty space where my belly is concave and my underwear goes straight across. I'm in love with that. Performing. In any capacity anywhere. I even love auditioning. I do not l...

"Then you get the fish cramp & it messes up your conch. It gets all gross."

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't lead a horticulture. -by me & my dad

Jamie : I'm gonna go snowblow. Heidi: Go blow snow.

Jamie : You move your butt constantly. Heidi: I have restless ass disorder. RAD.

Buying your spouse a lapdance is not a good idea. Seriously you'll regret it around noon-ish tomorrow.

to Miles ... "Stop singing ' Balls to the Wall .'"

to Jamie ... "Take my underwear off your head if your gonna act like this."

"You were once the best sperm."

"Sporking. It's like spooning with your legs open."

Heidi: I need to put these tickets on Craig's List tonight. Miles : Oh no! Don't put them on Craig's List. Heidi: Why not? Miles: What if a hobo comes? Heidi: As long as they give me $100 I don't care who comes. That's just...how...I...roll. Miles: Well that's disturbing. Heidi: It actually was much more disturbing than you even know.

Cole : Lady Gaga's clothes are so weird. Heidi: I know. She's like a walking piece of museum. Cole: But she's like that dive museum . Heidi: That museum wasn't a dive. You're just used to the Smithsonian. Cole: But it was all naked people. Heidi: No it wasn't. Jamie : I like naked people. Cole: Yeah, but there's only so much you can do with naked people. Heidi: You can do plenty with naked people. You're just not old enough yet. [My brothers, who are home from college, squirm as we crack up.] Heidi: Man, you've been away from home too long. Jamie: Embrace the awkward. scandalized at the Weatherspoon Art Museum in Greensboro, NC