The Brattychick

Heidi: I'm going to go put make-up on. Cole: Make-up just covers up the beautiful.

This kid makes the 12 year old girl in everyone swoon...

My five year old neighbor loves me to pieces for some reason. I've never seen anyone so happy to see me. He just comes running at me with open arms and beaming smile and jumps into my arms. When he gets mad at his parents he tells them that he will runaway to my house. Recently he told his mother "When I see Miss Heidi my eyes turn into little hearts." Swooning ensued. I think when I grow up I might marry him.

Sing to me about how you like the flawed tough girl, because I am a sadder but wiser girl. Some boys don't like girls like us. Oh, but some boys do. This is a clip from the 1962 version of The Music Man . Most of the music from the play is really interesting. Meredith Willson does some really cool things with rhythm and onomatopoeia. I love this song. The lyrics make me smile. If you haven't seen this movie, you should. The 1962 version.

Play the guitar in a lo-fi garage punk band. The band is Supercharger . The guitarist (on the right) is Darin Raffaelli . He also wrote/co-wrote the genius of the early Donnas. Yes, those Donnas , also he is responsible in whole or part for The Brentwoods and elusive Furious! Fighting! Car Theives (yeah, trust me on this, it's supposed to be spelled that way). P.S. I know the identities of the Car Theives, but I'll never ever tell. P.P.S. I've met The Donnas and they're just as cool as you think and they gave me candy both times. P.P.P.S. I like how the only names I can drop are the most obscure names ever. But whatever, they're awesome people. Here is "I Took A Ride (When You Said I'm Gone)" by Supercharger. And for the boys, here's some early Donnas. You're welcome.

Ask me, preferably in a song, if I want to get in trouble with you. I'm married now, so depending on the trouble, I will probably say no, but I will still swoon. If you are my husband you can ask me to get in trouble any day and I will say yes and swoon also. Especially if said trouble involves a water balloon launcher, a totaled car, or anything that could result in a surprise baby. Heidi: Do girls think Danzig is hot? Jamie : I don't know. Why? Heidi: Cause he's so not hot. Except he's kind of hot in a wouldn't-be-hot-if-he-weren't-Danzig kind of way. Jamie: What do you mean? Heidi: Like, when the song "Mother 93" came out, I almost creamed my jeans, cause I was like "I wanna find hell with you. I don't even know what that means, but it sounds like it would get me in lots of trouble." Jamie: You're a funny girl. Heidi: Well, if a guy came up to me in high school and said "Do you wanna find hell with me?" I would have said...

Be funny, be British, wear eyeliner.... Heidi: Russell Brand is my new crush. Jamie : I had a feeling that would happen. Heidi: How did you know? Jamie: Because he's freaking Johnny Depp. Heidi: I know! And he's always a pirate! With eyeliner! He's not quite as good as Johnny Depp though. Jamie: I know but he's a knock off. Heidi: Yeah. He's like the Giant brand macaroni & cheese. He's not the cheesiest, but he'll do in a pinch.

Make me feel like the skinniest of all... Dexter : Can we go to Long John Silver's ? Heidi: Heck no. Dexter: Why not? Heidi: 'Cause I'll get fat. Dexter: You won't get fat 'cause you're my mom, and mom's don't get fat...except other moms. On the flip-side. The other day we were in the car and Miles remarked, "I can't imagine you skinny." Ouch.

Look at me like you mean it and be able to dance well...and like a man. Also, it wouldn't hurt if, while I was standing in a spotlight, you could slide on your knees up to me? And go ahead a lose the sequined matador jacket, cause that kinda ruins the masculine part of the dancing I was just talking about. I guess that might be too specific. This is Paul Mercurio in Strictly Ballroom . He is beautiful in this movie.

Ummm. Hot girl-on-girl action with vintage clothing. Yeah. I miss you, mah baybeez!

Use a talkbox. You may or may not have noticed, but in all previous ' How To Make Me Swoon ' segments there has been a common thread. That is if you sing and play the guitar (and you play the right songs) chances are pretty good that I will swoon. Today while surfing on youtube I discovered an amazing device. It's called a talkbox. It allows the sound from a guitar to go into your mouth through a straw and then you can mouth words or make crazy effects. Do you understand what I am telling you? Boys can sing the guitar! THEY CAN SING THE FUCKING GUITAR. I'm astonished that Jamie didn't tell me about this, seeing as how he knows me and my swooniness over boys + guitars. He just keeps snickering and telling me that he doesn't know what to make of this. I have butterflies. This world is amazing. And now Peter Frampton is suddenly and strangely extremely hot. This is a bit upsetting to me, but I can't help it. And here is where I discovered it. Rivers Cuomo (...

Play the guitar, sing, and wear eyeliner. This is Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day . He also often wears skinny new wave ties while rocking the guyliner and this makes me have difficulty breathing.

Wear hipster glasses, sing and play the guitar. This is Rivers Cuomo of Weezer . He's got electric guitar and a 12-sided die. I love geeks. Really.