The Brattychick

"Because they get stuck in my teeth! It's like chewing air! It's a waste of time!" "It's like ' Here! Do this exercise. You'll still be hungry, but you'll have shit in your mouth..." "...Keep Chompin!"

Heidi: Do you want this? It's yucky. Mom: Yeah, let me try it.

"I'll have a coffee and a coke, one egg scrambled, an order of chunky hashbrowns, a side of bacon and I'm gonna need some tobasco."

Mexico Heidi was relaxed and happy and laughed all the livelong day. Unfortch, DC Heidi is surly and bitchy and cynical most of the time. I was tagged by RedSneaks to list 10 things that make me happy. This is probably a very good, albeit difficult, exercise for February, since February almost always makes me wanna stick my head in an oven. My family. A very close friend recently was giving me the 30 second synopsis of why she had issues with her dad. She ended it by saying, "My dad is the person that I love more than anything in the world, and also the person I hate more than anything in the world." I am so in love with my family, but they reduce me to tears more often than I'm willing to publicly admit. Hip bones. When I lie on my back and my two hip bones stick out and they make this little empty space where my belly is concave and my underwear goes straight across. I'm in love with that. Performing. In any capacity anywhere. I even love auditioning. I do not l...

"Then you get the fish cramp & it messes up your conch. It gets all gross."

to his McFlurry... "I don't think you contain nuts."

In response to me asking him to get his fingers out of his mouth... "They taste like olives."

Dexter : Some people actually eat cockroaches! Heidi: Those are people that don't have steak, I think.

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Please help me not to throw up because of these tomatoes. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." Later on..."but it turned out they were roma tomatoes, so it wasn't really that big a deal."

On January 2nd 2008 I bought a Betta fish named and named him Adriel. I bought a fish because my youngest child had gone off to school and I needed something to take care of. I named him Adriel because that was the name I wanted to name my oldest child , but my husband said "No." That is what he says to mostly everything I ask him. Except he didn't say it that nicely that time. Adriel is a boys' name, by the by, albeit a kinda girly boys name, and here is my proof. But he was a very beautiful fishy, so it seemed right that he should have a fancy name. As I have mentioned previously , I am frightened of animals. This was the beginning of my exposure therapy. I bought myself a pet that I didn't have to pet! Adriel was the most friendly little fish I've ever met. Miles even taught him how to jump. I was very sad when he died last November. I buried him near my morning glories that are the same shade of blue as he. I started writing a little memorial blog for...

cute lingerie karaoke ADHD is the biggest health issue facing my family anti-depressants and Ritalin my kids love to read so much that I have to go in their rooms after "lights out" and confiscate books art in all it's forms we have enough money to buy the things we need technology, especially google analytics, facebook, blogs, and online shopping and pizza delivery I know how to make really good food everyone that lives in my house is funny

Pot In The Fridge, your lid has come off while I was getting a piece of birthday cake, (that had pleasantly surprised me because I thought we had nothing to eat) I will just replace it without looking because you've been in there so long I don't remember what you are holding anymore ...and I am frightened. Maybe Jamie will be brave enough to clean you out like, next time we need to make pasta or something.

I hate cucumbers and melons, particularly watermelon and that green one. What is that? Cantaloupe?. The way that they taste to me can't possibly be what other people taste, because no one would eat them. They have an unnatural taste, like shampoo, And it's really strong taste. I can usually tell if a melon or cucumber has touched my other food, and cucumber or melon soaps and candies make me gag. The people that I've questioned that like melons and cucumbers say that, to them, they have a watery mild taste. Jamie and I were eating at Mexicali Blues when we were dating and it had just opened. Jamie said his food tasted like chemicals. Then he tasted my food and he said it also tasted like chemicals. Shortly thereafter, after eating salsa at our friends Ryan and Jason 's house we narrowed Jamie's chemical tasting ingredient down to cilantro. Later, Jamie was explaining this weird phenomenon to our friend Jeff. Jeff said "Oh yeah. A huge portion of the populati...

I can do anything whilst having sex. Including, but not limited to blogging, yelling at my kids, talking about pooping, sleeping soundly, making a grocery list, talking to you on the phone...Oh yes, it was you. I cannot think of anything to blog about today, hence listy. I am in the middle of writing a dark comedy monologue and it's really something. You say it's not natural, but I think you might not be doing it right. If you think you are the first boy that has propositioned me and that I'm going to give my whole life up for you, you are sorely mistaken. And also? Mentioning the size of your penis is not a good pick up line. Because, so what? She probably has a sex toy that's bigger. And it vibrates. Do you vibrate? No? Oh, well, maybe you need a better pick up line then. My hair is ridiculously long. I do not believe that homosexuality is a sin. My husband is superman. Yawn. I have a titanium rod and screws in my leg and it grosses me out. I have seven scars from t...

Jamie : I feel like Michigan shouldn't be over there with Indiana. Heidi: Who cares about any of those. There's nothing up there. We don't need those. Like what's in Wisconsin? Besides cheese. Jamie: Beer! Heidi: Oh yeah. Cheese and beer. We actually really need those. Jamie: The two food groups. Cole : The most important meal of the day, servin' it up Gary's way.

What is something your mom always says to you? I will kill everyone! What makes your mom happy? When I finish my routine and when I give her a kiss and a hug and a hug and a kiss. What makes your mom sad? When I go in time out. That REALLY makes you sad. That, and also when I don't clean my room and it's so messy that you can't walk in and give me a goodnight kiss. How does your mom make you laugh? When she does that laugh that you "uh huh huh huh" (dorky laugh) and maybe you can put that on youtube. You can put a video of it where you go "uh huh huh". What was your mom like as a child? She liked when her room was clean....maybe. And she liked thinking about what her children would be like, maybe. How old is your mom? 30 How tall is your mom? She is as tall as 7 and a half of Daddy's Winnie the Pooh toys. What is her favorite thing to do? Saying "I will kill everyone! " and give me a goodnight kiss and a hug and give me hugs and kisses, tec...

"The early bird catches the worm, but the late owl gets to lick the beaters."

"You can't sit in the laundry basket while you're eating your peanut-butter toast."

Which obscure holiday was I born on? a) Earth Day b) Cinco De Mayo c) Labor Day d) Memorial Day e) Arbor Day Where was I born? a) Washington DC b) Virginia c) Nepal d) California e) Tennessee How many siblings do I have? a) 10 total. 6 halves, 4 steps. b) 3 brothers. c) 2 brothers and a sister. d) 6 total. 5 halves. 1 step. e) 2 brothers I was almost named..... a) Chrysanthemum b) Tammy c) Venus d) Kelly e) Sapphire How old was I when I went on my first date? a) 9. I was totally boy crazy starting in 4th grade b) 14. We went to a church dance in our Sunday best c) 13. And I had to sneak out to do it d) 12. My mother trailed us all over the mall e) 16. I wasn't allowed out of the house until then Which (school approved) extra curricular activities did I participate in? a) Choir and Sports Medicine b) Band and Track c) Debate Team and Cheerleading d) Drama and Dance Team e) Junior Republicans and Lacrosse I've known my b...

Be funny, be British, wear eyeliner.... Heidi: Russell Brand is my new crush. Jamie : I had a feeling that would happen. Heidi: How did you know? Jamie: Because he's freaking Johnny Depp. Heidi: I know! And he's always a pirate! With eyeliner! He's not quite as good as Johnny Depp though. Jamie: I know but he's a knock off. Heidi: Yeah. He's like the Giant brand macaroni & cheese. He's not the cheesiest, but he'll do in a pinch.