The Brattychick

"Mom said 'It's a great day to walk today!' but she didn't take into account that it's blowing like a crack ho out here."

"I would say you could borrow my butt collage to send to your hubby as your own but that means my brother would see my butt and we would both puke. But I love you enough that if you were not married to him, you could use my butt collage."

2/18/2008 From age 5-18 I lived in a little gray house in McLean, Virginia. We moved there almost exactly 24 years ago after my mom and dad married. The house was old, but roomy. It was a corner lot with a huge yard. There was a plum tree, three crabapple trees, an apple tree, 2 evergreens, at least 4 dogwoods, and plenty of other trees I can’t name. I climbed all the climbable trees. The evergreen in the back wasn’t climbable because it had thorny leaves, but it was so large that the branches made a canopy that you could go under and be alone. There was a little hill near the house in the front. At night if you stood at the top of the hill, you could see the buildings in Tysons Corner. Sometimes when we came home at night I used to run over there and wish I were doing something exciting over there with all the lights. There was a large area along the side yard where there weren’t any trees. There was a patch of wildflowers that grew there. There were white and sometimes purple clover...

Dexter : Waaah! Heidi: What happened? Dexter: I bit my tongue weeely hawd. Heidi: Awww. I hate that… ummm...do you want me to kiss your tongue? Dexter: No. Then it’d be all lippy.

"When you drop a piece of pasta on your shirt, you don't then stand up and stick your belly out so that the pasta falls on the floor."

Dexter had a playdate yesterday. After about two hours she complained that her 'leg ached' and I took her home. When I returned, Dexter said "Can I have another playdate, because my first playdate had to go home because her egg leaked."

"I have a really nice family"

I have a cold today. But it's only in one nostril. Weird. My left face is fine but my right face is all stuffy. It's been a very rough week for me, so I thought we could watch some TV, internet.

"Is there such thing as a wet sense of humor?"

Heidi: Woah. N has a kid? Weird. Cole : Who's N? Heidi: A friend of Daddy 's. Do you know what a stripper is? Cole: Oh! Heidi: So you know? Like someone that dances nakey? Cole: Yeah. Heidi: Ok, yeah so N was a stripper. Cole: And now she's a mom? Heidi: Well, yeah. But she's not a stripper anymore. Cole: strippermom. From Blogger Pictures

Sometimes actors, directors, writers, artists have a lifetime of genius in them. And sometimes they shoot all their brilliance out in one ejaculation. So far, that is how I feel about Kate Hudson in Almost Famous . I think that this scene is incredible. Everytime I've been betrayed, my MO is to act just like this.

Mom: Babies can be very expensive if they’re not born healthy. Dad: They can be really expensive even if they are born healthy. Mom: Well the insurance company doesn’t care about putting them on the plan after they’re born as long as they’re healthy. Dad: That’s because they don’t have to pay for college. In case you’re confused: My parents sell insurance. My mother is explaining why people can’t get approved for health insurance if they’re a woman who is pregnant or if they’re a man who has impregnated someone. I have two brothers in college. My dad’s hobby is worrying about money.

"You're pulling your hair out with pliers? What are you an idiot? That doesn't even seem like a good bad idea." Yup. This is my children's grandfather.

"Can you get my underwear down fwom on top of the wefwidgewato? I accidentally shot them up there."