The Brattychick

Miles : What's the thing down here? Jamie : Your appendix? Miles: Yes. I think I have appendix-itis. Jamie: That's the wrong side. Miles: It hurts right here. Heidi: Your appendix isn't on that side, though. Miles: So what's on that side? Heidi: It's probably just gas. Miles: So what is that? Gastitis?

Heidi: Are you in a men's choir again this year? Thomas : No. Heidi: SATB? Thomas: Yeah. Jamie : What's SATB? Heidi: You don't know what SATB is? Jamie: Sexy Ass...Titty Bang?

Heidi: What were we just talking about? Thomas : Bestiality. Heidi: No, before that...Statutory rape, RUM!

What is something your mom always says to you? "This room is a mess." What makes your mom happy? The computer. What makes your mom sad? When Daddy falls asleep when you're talking to him. Which has happened one time. Like right now. How does your mom make you laugh? When she pinches my bosom. What was your mom like as a child? I dunno. Some little girl. How old is your mom? 30 something. How tall is your mom? I don't know, maybe 2 feet or something. What is her favorite thing to do? Smell people's feet and make a horrible noise. What does your mom do when you're not around? I don't know, I'm not around. Maybe sit and play Youda Sushi Chef until midnight and fall asleep and watch Eddie Izzard for the fiftieth time. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? For the biggest nostrils ever. What is your mom really good at? Facebook. What is your mom not very good at? Doing tongue twisters. What does your mom do for a job? Answer phones and watch monk...

What is something your mom always says to you? She says "Cole, did you pee all over the toilet seat?" You always ask me that first. Your like 'I'll bet it was him .' What makes your mom happy? Facebook games. What makes your mom sad? When we haven't had a vacation in too long. How does your mom make you laugh? She, um, does funny stuff. What was your mom like as a child? Nasty. She was bad. You were. How old is your mom? Um, I don't know. How tall is your mom? I wouldn't know that. What is her favorite thing to do? Play the piano? (I was drumming my fingers on the counter at the time) What does your mom do when you're not around? I really don't want to know. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? For facebook stuff. What is your mom really good at? Ooooohhhh! (He starts doing standing push-ups against the counter top) What is your mom not very good at? This is terrible. What does your mom do for a job? She works someplace. What is yo...

What is something your mom always says to you? I will kill everyone! What makes your mom happy? When I finish my routine and when I give her a kiss and a hug and a hug and a kiss. What makes your mom sad? When I go in time out. That REALLY makes you sad. That, and also when I don't clean my room and it's so messy that you can't walk in and give me a goodnight kiss. How does your mom make you laugh? When she does that laugh that you "uh huh huh huh" (dorky laugh) and maybe you can put that on youtube. You can put a video of it where you go "uh huh huh". What was your mom like as a child? She liked when her room was clean....maybe. And she liked thinking about what her children would be like, maybe. How old is your mom? 30 How tall is your mom? She is as tall as 7 and a half of Daddy's Winnie the Pooh toys. What is her favorite thing to do? Saying "I will kill everyone! " and give me a goodnight kiss and a hug and give me hugs and kisses, tec...

Dexter : What is this, a Sasquatch? Heidi: A mango.

"Up your hose with a rubber nose!"

To me, because I tickled him... "Eat sh*t, wallaby."

This is part of an IM conversation with my cousin. Shawn : I am still laughing Heidi : lol Shawn : I slay me Heidi : I actually did a spit take at my own joke the other night It was funnier than I thought and I took a swig of beer after I said it. and then I spat the whole thing out cracking up all over the bed and clothes and everything Shawn : lol what was the joke Heidi : The TV said in the movie guy voice "Criss Angel is on a 400 pound motorcycle" and I said "Criss Angel is 400 pounds of weirdo in a 90 pound body" Shawn : LMOA Heidi : and then the beer-valanche hey you just Laughed Your Off Ass Shawn : my whole ass !!! Heidi : but notice you did not LMAO you LMOA Laugh My Off Ass your ass is dyslexic it offed prematurely Shawn : It knew what it was doing the whole time Heidi : lol Shawn : It was I who was surprised Heidi : I am blogging this conversation Shawn : Please don't Heidi : really? it's really funny Shawn : It is irreverent Heidi : oh not that p...