The Brattychick

I am way too tired too write anything witty, but I did want to blog. So I was thinking 'Hmmmm. How to entertain everyone without exerting energy? I know!!! PIN-UP GIRLS!' So here you have one in vivid color. My friend Rob does this as a hobby and we sure do love pin-up girls.

After telling him I was thirsty for a soda, he suggests a Smirnoff Ice. "That's like a soda with benefits."

Heidi: What is that noise? Is it the sink? Jamie : Yes, I call it Sqeakachu...because it squeaks at you.

[To the Asian woman cutting his hair] "Why are you closing your eyes like that?"

Grrr! I was doing so well, blogging every day. Last Saturday a wave of consuming fatigue swept over me and I haven't been the same since. I knew there was something very wrong when I couldn't finish an ice cream cone on Wednesday. This week I have been sleeping most of the day and all through the night. When I am not sleeping, I feel groggy and so physically exhausted that my own arms are weighty. My sleep is sound and rock-solid and I am not restless. I don't take confused glances at the clock. I am asleep within seconds and I don't move again until I wake. I've had some help this week. I went to the doctor on Thursday and had blood work drawn today. Dexter spent the day watching cartoons in my bed while I slept or read. What is wrong with me?

While in front of his teacher and classroom. "This is my valentines envelope. It says 'I like big butts and I cannot lie!'...It's your song!"

Oh, Bowl-O-Bananas! Boo, Bananas. Boo. Even with a teaspoon of sugar. I don't like you.

1. Little gifts and cards for the kids. 2. Carryout. 3. A card and flowers. 4. A DVD. Maybe a silly romantic comedy. 5. A small box of chocolates and a glass of skim milk to enjoy during the movie. 6. A couch, husband, and blanket.

What do you think about this ?

While listening to "Baby Got Back" "Yeah, what does 'sprung' mean?"

"Have you ever been in a fight with a liar? I mean a real liar--not white lies. I'm talking about real lying. You have to walk away from them. You can't win with liars." -Fran Kessler I read this article about Fran Kessler, the special assistant to the editor in chief at Esquire . This quote made me think of my most hated trait of all time, lying. I try to be as candid and forthright as possible and I appreciate it when others do the same. In early high school, I dated a boy named Phil. I hardly knew Phil when I started dating him (no surprises there), and about 2 days into the relationship I realized that he was a liar. Now and then you run in to a boy who tells white lies to impress you, but not Phil. Phil fabricated anything and everything whether it was of consequence or not. I've never fallen out of an infatuation so quickly. As fast as you can say "Oh, hell no!", I had dumped a bewildered Phil. Avoiding The Liars proves to be easier when you are ...

Here's the update. Thanks again for all the advice and messages and emails. Today I worked on the budget. I feel like that problem is affecting all the other problems, so I will be working on that ugly suckah this week. On a totally unrelated note, Cole is all of a sudden grown up. He refused to wear a " 3-2-1 Penguins " shirt to school the other day on the grounds that it wasn't cool anymore. He's starting to get modest around the house and actually respect my privacy so that he won't see me in any state of undress. He stunned me this weekend when we went to an indoor carousel and he didn't want to ride. "Are you sure?" "Yeah." "You don't even want to stand with your brother" "No." "Ok, well Daddy can go 'cause I already bought the token. Let me know if you change your mind." "Ok." "Alright. Come on. Let's go sit on the bench like old people." "I changed my mind....

"You make the jokes that make the whole world wonder."

Thanks so much for all your emails and text messages. Unfortunately, not one of you has rescued me yet, so I am still here and not in Cancun. Many of you wondered what was wrong. Oh, the 'What is wrong?' to a depressed person is mind-boggling. Not a thing is wrong. Everything is wrong. Not a thing is wrong and I have every reason to be thanking my lucky stars that I am the most fortunate girl ever. No one close to me is terminally ill, neither Jamie or I are having an affair and we get along better than many other married couples, we have a roof over our heads, and lots of friends and support, we're intelligent, witty, young and beautious. Also everything is wrong. What is my problem exactly? I have been contemplating this. Last night all I knew was that I have a problem, but putting my finger on what it is more complicated. Here goes. The weather is awful. I hate the winter with all of my heart. I don't even love the snow anymore because it means an entire load of l...

Help me. Somebody rescue me.

Ummm. Hot girl-on-girl action with vintage clothing. Yeah. I miss you, mah baybeez!

I've never let you all know how little I care for sports. I care even less for watching said sports on TV. Fortunately for all of humankind I married someone who feels roughly the same, at least the spectating part. Suffice it to say that you will never find sports on our TV. Unless it is the bass fishing that Jamie watches occasionally, and believe me, that little thing came out of the woodwork after I vowed to love him for better or worse. The Super Bowl is our token sporting event that we watch each year. Since we know nothing about sports whatsoever, we use a scientific process to determine who we will root for. This year we based our decision to root for the Bears solely on the fact that my brother, David, is in Chicago for the next few days auditioning for an acting conservatory. During the boring time in between commercial breaks, I typically go in the kitchen to make finger foods for us to munch. Jamie always yells at the TV just like he's supposed to. This always mak...

Jamie : No me gusto. Heidi: It's gusta. Jamie: I say it 'gusto'....With gusto. Heidi: Ok. Jamie: You don't know anything Spanish.

While Cole was wigging out about noise and Miles was whining and being a nuisance... Heidi: Daddy put the weird in the Coley-Coley-Cole. Jamie: Mommy put the brat in the Bratty-Bratty-Brat-Brat.