The Brattychick

Dexter : You made me hurt my finger. Heidi: You made me get stretch marks.

"Please get your feet out of the pantry."

Whilst talking about The Blue Oyster Cult... "We should make The Red Clam Sect."

"Welcome to the jungle We got lotsa cats And we got an old man, Who likes lotsa cats."

Dexy got the puking thing today. Bleu cheese dressing is top notch. Sexual abusers suck. The China Study says that all animal products cause cancer and they have some pretty compelling data backing it up. Reston is far away, confusing, and they make you pay to go there. Throwing up in beds at 4 AM is not something I like. Sexy underwear is not a cause for a picket line. Everyone is entitled to basic human rights. Speaking of, I think children should be given the right to vote in some capacity but I don't know how that would work. It's chilly in my house. It's lonely in here tonight. A lot of people have Aspergers Syndrome and aren't diagnosed. I stopped drinking a while back. Oh, didn't you know? I have dreams that I forgot that I stopped drinking and then I drink and freak out. Ginger ale is delicious and I now have a different drinking problem. Dexter just fell off the bed in very strange slow motion. I feel bad for Britney. Have you ever seen the videos of how...

The following conversation took place on a school bus while we were chaperoning a school field trip. Jamie : What's your name? C: His name is D. Jamie: Hi D. D. mumbles something through his jacket Kenny-style. C: He's shy. Jamie: I'm shy too. Can you tell? C: His dad is a hobo. Jamie: Ohhhh. C: He has a pet. Jamie: What's the pet? C: A deer.

projectile vomiting + explosive diarrhea = problems

I'm not feeling good, internet. Just watch some tv until I'm better.

Ok, so I totally phoned it in on yesterday's blog. I was lucky I got that much out because I was so close to falling asleep. I am at the allergist right now and there is some elderly woman? cat? child? mentally challenged person? howling in one of the rooms. It really could be any of the above and it is weirding me out. Everyone in the waiting room is pretending that they don't hear it. But they do internet, they do.

"Grandma is always like 'I need to make some lasagnas for some people that we don't know.'" This is funny because it is true.

Oral sex on a she-male.

I am going to try to blog every day this year. There will probably be a lot of rambling on whilst sleeping pills take hold. Those blogs are always fun in the morning. They're a surprise to all, including myself. There will also probably be a lot of good-for-nothing blog-vomit, so I apologize for that in advance. Here are the other resolutions: 1. Get skinnier (of course). 2. Get the f-ing house clean. 3. Start taking classes again after a year hiatus. 4. Perform in some capacity each month. 5. Cut back on eating meat and cheese. 6. Do things that make me happy.

Dexter : Sometimes I accidentally get poop on my finger. Jamie : I hate it when that happens and then you have to wash your hands for like fifteen minutes. Cole : Let's change the subject. Jamie: Sometimes I get poop on my arm! Cole: Ew! Heidi: Sometimes I get it on my fingernail. Dexter: I don't wash my hands for fifteen minutes; I just wipe my finger on a piece of toilet paper. Heidi: You should wash your hands too, honey. Dexter: Oh! Well dat's good to know!

Heidi: Did you hear that Lily Allen is pregnant with someone else's baby? David: What do you mean someone else's? Heidi: Not yours. David: Oh yeah!