The Brattychick

"I have something to tell you. The South, I'm pretty sure, is not going to rise again."

About a broken toy car... "Daddy, can you make a miracle happen?"

In response to Dexter telling Miles to stop being an idiot... "Well you can't just stop being an idiot, you know."

cute lingerie karaoke ADHD is the biggest health issue facing my family anti-depressants and Ritalin my kids love to read so much that I have to go in their rooms after "lights out" and confiscate books art in all it's forms we have enough money to buy the things we need technology, especially google analytics, facebook, blogs, and online shopping and pizza delivery I know how to make really good food everyone that lives in my house is funny

This is technically the first episode of SPASM (Stupid Prattle After Sleeping Meds) because in the first episode , I only got to the explanation of what SPASM would be and the reason behind it and then I fell asleep. So that was not very weird or random. So what shall I talk about? Should I tell you that I am so behind on life in general that I haven't really thoroughly checked my kids backpacks in days? That this makes me feel like a slacker-mom? That it seems like parents have to be way more up in their kid's biz-nazz than they did back in my day? Then again, that doesn't seem like a very fun topic. What about the fact that I buried my fishy today? Or that my seminary teacher died last week and I am devastated? No. No. No. I will save that for more coherent times. Dang, I can only think of depressing subjects right now. Hmmmm...Here's something cheerful: Today the guy from the repair shop where I was getting my car fixed said I needed to come pick up the car and dri...

Pot In The Fridge, your lid has come off while I was getting a piece of birthday cake, (that had pleasantly surprised me because I thought we had nothing to eat) I will just replace it without looking because you've been in there so long I don't remember what you are holding anymore ...and I am frightened. Maybe Jamie will be brave enough to clean you out like, next time we need to make pasta or something.

I made this on Facebook's graffiti program which is less refined than Microsoft paint. I still like it.

In response to something weird I said... "Holy What?"

After an activity for families with a child on the autism spectrum where a non-verbal autistic child was making whooping noises, we were trying to explain the autism spectrum to Miles . "So there's ADHD, Aspergers, Autism, and then 'WOOP!'?"

Cause it's easy to fall off of the fashion train when you're not in high school where your life depends on knowing whether the no-sock look is still cool or not.

Thomas , David, & Melanie were raving about the movie Where the Wild Things Are . So last night I went to the movies all by myself, for the first time ever, I think. For those of you that are not familiar, Where the Wild Things Are is a well loved children's picture book by Maurice Sendak. The book is certainly less than 100 words long, and so Max and The Wild Things are not given their full personalities by literature alone. The pictures, and what your imagination does with them, fill in the gaps and reach places that words cannot. I was really curious as to how writers Spike Jonze and David Eggers were going to go about stretching this short book into a movie. Especially a book that wasn't theirs. Not one of The Wild Things in the book says anything that isn't in unison with the other Wild Things. I would be terrified to expand on a character that was another writer's vision with only illustrations to go by. And they had to create several in addition to fleshing...

"Tiffin River! Tiffin' you wanna go fishin' you can fish in Tiffin River." ... "Pigeon Creek. Tiffin' you wanna go pidgin' you can pidge in Pidgeon Creek." ... "Fish CREEK! Tiffin' you wanna go fishin you can fish in Fish Creek!" ... "FAWN RIVER! Tiffin' you wanna fondle somebody you can fondle them in Fawn River! BA HA HA HA!

"Maybe we could go in the living room and watch a movie and eat unbelievably buttery popcorn."

Jamie : We should pull over and let them out to run around. Heidi: And drive away?

This is simply to settle a dispute between Thomas and me. I win.

"Indiana is such a sad strange little place."

Miles : This is Agent 99. Agent X, do you read? Dexter : I can read. I can read Mother Goose. I'm breaking up with you. Oh no. That came out the wrong words.

To my mom on the phone... "Why, thank-you. We've been thinking about us all day too."

Heidi: You're so cute. Who said you were allowed to be so cute? Dexter : I just came that way. God is nice because he made me like that.

Heidi: You have so much sand on your butt. Go spray your butt. I'm serious, you're gonna track so much sand in here. Cole : I'm gonna attract so many ladies with my sandy butt.

The following scene takes place in our car. Heidi: Open the door and let your brother out! Dexter : I can't! My hands are full! Heidi: Your hands are gonna be full of puke if you don't open the door for your brother right now.

Heidi: Daddy 's a skeptic. Cole : I know. He's like 'I don't believe you. I'm gonna look it up on my little phone.'"

"Make up your own insult and tell it to yourself."

In high school no one needed sleep. I could go knock on a friend's window any time of the night and they would get up and party with me. Then everyone gets old and responsible and they're all "I need my eight hours." Except I still frequently stay up all night. Last night I was up until 4 am. I'm not saying that my thirty year old body doesn't hate me for it the next day. Also, I'm not able to rally like I used to. I had Cole when I was 18 and all the older biddies said "Now sleep when the baby sleeps, honey." But I was young and pretty used to four hours of sleep. I couldn't understand the fatigue that all the other new mom's were complaining about. By the time Miles and especially Dexter came along, I understood. But when I do stay up all night, I find myself alone in my endeavor. Jamie occasionally will be irresponsible, but he is infrequently up past midnight. A quick walk around my neighborhood at 9 pm shows the depressing si...

...and probably my last. It took five-ever. This is a real conversation Jamie and I had this morning.

SocialInterview.com asked me "If you ran away from home, who would you turn to?" I answered ''Ha ha ha. I lol-ed at this question, having been in legal trouble at one point in my adolescence for being a "chronic runaway". Umm, so I'm not telling. Because I run away sometimes. And I don't need people to find me when I do so. But the people I would turn to know who they are. If I've ever said to you "let's runaway" or "rescue me" or "Mexico?" or "If we leave now we could probably get to _____ before anyone noticed.", then you are someone I would turn to.''

Heidi: Who wants anti-sneezy medicine? Three lethargic boys watching Spongebob on my bed raise their hands. Dexter : I want all the medicines.

Thomas : Virginia lost to Georgia in the World Series. Jamie : The Little League World Series? Thomas: Yes. Jamie: So? Thomas: We care about that, right? Jamie: Why would you tell us bad news? Thomas: Well, we did well. Jamie: Why wouldn't you just tell us if we won? Thomas: We made it to the super regionals. Jamie: But you're like 'There's a sport that you didn't know about, and we lost .'

About my kids... "They are like the anti-Jonas brothers. They are like "We could get better grades than the Jonas brothers if we wanted."

This new segment entitled "SPASM" is an acronym for Stupid Prattle After Sleeping Meds. I'll be writing these as my sleeping pills come and get me and end my day, whether I like it or not. I may only be able to do " Listy " type blogs, but we'll see. I kind of love/hate blogging under the influence of sleeping pills. Making me any less inhibited is certain to be comedy gold or at least good for some kind of alienation of huge portions of the internet. I digress. The point of this is to have some really bad writing. And by bad, I mean, fantastic like a train wreck. Plus it's mostly for me, because I never remember them the following morning. I am nodding off as I write this. So I guess I will actually start this segment another night. But now you have the low-down anyhoo. Honk shoooo...

Dad: I was gesticulating. Heidi: The word 'gesticulating' sounds gross. Dad: I know. Heidi: Like a cross between genitals & testicles. It's like the name Celeste. Suh-lut & incest. Dad: If you have melanoma of the hands is that like, gesticular cancer?

"Swallow-ween!"