Anxiety

-

I have so much of it lately that I've been having trouble functioning. I make a schedule each day with one small attainable goal each hour that is geared toward being good to myself. I've been doing it for three days. As you see, I've been blogging more. I also went to the gym, knitted, hung out with friends, and forced myself to eat.

Since Jamie and I separated I've been in therapy twice a week and trying really hard to work on my issues. Initially, I realized I had never been alone. Like, ever. Learning to simply be alone in my house was a ridiculously horrible process that took months. I still have a rough night occasionally, but I think that's over for the most part.

I'm going to live through this, though.Initially I wasn't sure, but I'm getting stronger every day.

Comments

redsneakz said…
Anxiety never really goes away, but you can fight it.
November 30, 2011 at 11:17 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

F U Cancer, You Can Suck My D.

-
On Tuesday I had a cystoscopy for pelvic floor issues (I have five children). It was meant as a precaution along with many other measures we were doing diagnose why I am having so many issues. A cystoscopy is when they put a camera into your bladder. It feels like a catheter and they don't have to knock you out. Surprisingly, the Dr. found a growth that she estimates to be 1cm x 1cm. She called later that afternoon to say that the urologist that saw the images said they looked cancerous.   That sucked and I had a meltdown.  I am feeling much better now. I have an appointment on Wednesday at NIH's uro-oncology department. This is a consult and bloodwork. They are hoping to do a biopsy (where they hope to remove the whole growth, if they're able, on 7/30. This is all extremely fast and I am very fortunate to have had some doctors pull some strings for me. I also have an appointment for a second opinion with another doctor at VHC.  Of course, we are reeling and frightened, but
Read more

Please Don't Go. I'll Eat You Up, I Love You So

-
Image
Thomas , David, & Melanie were raving about the movie Where the Wild Things Are . So last night I went to the movies all by myself, for the first time ever, I think. For those of you that are not familiar, Where the Wild Things Are is a well loved children's picture book by Maurice Sendak. The book is certainly less than 100 words long, and so Max and The Wild Things are not given their full personalities by literature alone. The pictures, and what your imagination does with them, fill in the gaps and reach places that words cannot. I was really curious as to how writers Spike Jonze and David Eggers were going to go about stretching this short book into a movie. Especially a book that wasn't theirs. Not one of The Wild Things in the book says anything that isn't in unison with the other Wild Things. I would be terrified to expand on a character that was another writer's vision with only illustrations to go by. And they had to create several in addition to fleshing
Read more

little update

-
Image
The doctor that found the growth in my bladder happened to have a fiance that is a uro-oncologist at NIH. I have received VIP treatment there. While I'm still cautiously optimistic, I'm certain I'm in good hands. On Wednesday my sister Jennifer took me.  I had an ekg, labs and met with him. My oncology team believes this is very early and feels they will be able to remove everything on Tuesday. They think that is probably the only treatment I'll need. This was a huge relief.  Thursday and Friday I returned to NIH for pre-anesthesia clinic and CT scan. I don't know if it was the driving or the appointments or my headspace but this took a lot out of me. I'm okayish in the daytime,  but when I wake up at night, I immediately think "Oh my God,  I have cancer!" And then I cannot get back to sleep.  Did I mention that Adam and Benicio got hand foot and mouth disease this week? The universe is being so rude to me these days.  If you'd like to help please
Read more