Are We Even?

Dexter: You made me hurt my finger.

Heidi: You made me get stretch marks.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say 011

"Please get your feet out of the pantry."

Thomas Says 004

Whilst talking about The Blue Oyster Cult...

"We should make The Red Clam Sect."

Dexter Says 020

"Welcome to the jungle
We got lotsa cats
And we got an old man,
Who likes lotsa cats."

meh ’leepy

Dexy got the puking thing today.

Bleu cheese dressing is top notch.

Sexual abusers suck.

The China Study says that all animal products cause cancer and they have some pretty compelling data backing it up.

Reston is far away, confusing, and they make you pay to go there.

Throwing up in beds at 4 AM is not something I like.

Sexy underwear is not a cause for a picket line.

Everyone is entitled to basic human rights.

Speaking of, I think children should be given the right to vote in some capacity but I don't know how that would work.

It's chilly in my house.

It's lonely in here tonight.

A lot of people have Aspergers Syndrome and aren't diagnosed.

I stopped drinking a while back. Oh, didn't you know?

I have dreams that I forgot that I stopped drinking and then I drink and freak out.

Ginger ale is delicious and I now have a different drinking problem.

Dexter just fell off the bed in very strange slow motion.

I feel bad for Britney. Have you ever seen the videos of how she can't even freaking walk to her car because there are 8 million people following her around?

I have a very active and awesome dream life.

Goose bumps and itches.

Children should not get diseases. That's not fair.

I would like to have more babies. Babies rock.

I don't think I am ready to be done with preschool and babies and stuff.

Unfortch, Jamie thinks he is ready to be done with that stuff.

Speaking in movie quotes is usually annoying unless it is done with the correct movies.

I am working on a blog to explain my crazy family as requested by my friend Will. I like it. It's pretty good.

I made myself too much salad and salad doesn't keep very well.

Neither do french fries.

When I go out to dinner I eat my food in the order of what keeps the best.

This blog is meaningless drivel. Give yourself a sticker if you made it this far.

Am I grumpy or is everyone really annoying?

Would you like a banana?

How's everything down under?

I went to the doctor for the lady parts today and she said everything down under is just dandy.

Clearly, I am hilarious because I just cracked myself right the heck up.

Good night.

p.s. Sorry about the naughty bits comment, Thomas.

In A Van Down By The River

The following conversation took place on a school bus while we were chaperoning a school field trip.

Jamie: What's your name?

C: His name is D.

Jamie: Hi D.

D. mumbles something through his jacket Kenny-style.

C: He's shy.

Jamie: I'm shy too. Can you tell?

C: His dad is a hobo.

Jamie: Ohhhh.

C: He has a pet.

Jamie: What's the pet?

C: A deer.

Stomache Flu Truth

projectile vomiting + explosive diarrhea = problems

Just Watch Some TV

I'm not feeling good, internet. Just watch some tv until I'm better.

This One Is Wet

Ow! Ow! EEoooww! Meow!

Ok, so I totally phoned it in on yesterday's blog. I was lucky I got that much out because I was so close to falling asleep.

I am at the allergist right now and there is some elderly woman? cat? child? mentally challenged person? howling in one of the rooms. It really could be any of the above and it is weirding me out. Everyone in the waiting room is pretending that they don't hear it. But they do internet, they do.

Cole Says 008

"Grandma is always like 'I need to make some lasagnas for some people that we don't know.'"

This is funny because it is true.

Urban Dictionary: Fellingus

Oral sex on a she-male.

New Years Resolutions 2008

I am going to try to blog every day this year. There will probably be a lot of rambling on whilst sleeping pills take hold. Those blogs are always fun in the morning. They're a surprise to all, including myself. There will also probably be a lot of good-for-nothing blog-vomit, so I apologize for that in advance.

Here are the other resolutions:
1. Get skinnier (of course).
2. Get the f-ing house clean.
3. Start taking classes again after a year hiatus.
4. Perform in some capacity each month.
5. Cut back on eating meat and cheese.
6. Do things that make me happy.

Was He Born In A Barn?

Dexter: Sometimes I accidentally get poop on my finger.

Jamie: I hate it when that happens and then you have to wash your hands for like fifteen minutes.

Cole: Let's change the subject.

Jamie: Sometimes I get poop on my arm!

Cole: Ew!

Heidi: Sometimes I get it on my fingernail.

Dexter: I don't wash my hands for fifteen minutes; I just wipe my finger on a piece of toilet paper.

Heidi: You should wash your hands too, honey.

Dexter: Oh! Well dat's good to know!

Righto

Heidi: Did you hear that Lily Allen is pregnant with someone else's baby?

David: What do you mean someone else's?

Heidi: Not yours.

David: Oh yeah!