Things I Never Thought I Would Say 019

"Get your foot out of the bus."

Dexter Esquire

Dexter: Mommy, are you afraid of spiders on your head?

Heidi: Yeah. I'm scared of animals on my head.

Dexter: Are you scared of me on your head?

Heidi: No.

Dexter: Mommy, I'm an animal. I'm a human. I'm a mammal.

Miles Says 007

"I noticed you didn't do a very good job getting dressed up today. What happened?"

Typical Friday Dinner Convo

Cole: Can I poke you with a foam finger?

Thomas: Only if I can lick you.

Heidi: Oh no...

Miles: Thomas licked my tip nose.

Cole: That's insanitary.
...
Dad: Cole, give me the finger.

Dexter Says 027

"My brothers were being an idiot and using their karate on me."

Urban Dictionary: Spink

A sassy kinky personality. Having both spunk and kink.

Credit goes to Chris F. for his spelling error turned brilliance.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say 018

"Stop licking my arm."

Balderdash Episode 1

Balderdash is the best board game around. There are 5 categories.

Words. An obscure word. Each player must come up with a made up definition for the word.

Movies. An obscure movie title. Each player must come up with a synopsis of the movie.

Laws. The beginning of a weird law, such as "In Canada it is illegal to dance..." each player completes the sentence.

Names. A lesser known name of someone who did something semi-important. The player must fabricate a semi-important thing that this person did.

Acronyms. The player must decide what this acronym stands for.

The rest of the rules are inconsequential to the comedic value of this blog, so if you really want to know, go buy the game. We love this game so much that we have ventured out to target on two separate occasions to purchase it when bored on vacation. Some of the answers are so funny that I've kept the little pieces of paper in the box for years. Should I put them in a scrapbook? NO! Instead I will blog them and share them with the world! I don't have names for everyone who wrote these, but I'll give credit where I have it. I'll share more as I come across them in my house.

Words

cacamora-A Lebanese salad dish complete with vegetables unique to the country of Lebanon and lamb
-Julieann

cacamora-A popular but short-lived brand of Peruvian laxative
-Lucas

cacamora-A Welsh species of diggery-doo
-David

cockchafer-A promiscuous girl with braces
-Jamie

dorking-A Mediterranean style of defensive combat, comparable to Tae Kwan Do
-Thomas

timbromaniac-A man who has a need to make love to cypress and/or oak trees
-David

Movies

What's Up Front?-A banned full-length animated feature in which Bugs Bunny terrorizes Elmer Fudd with his Yard-O-Beef
-Jamie

What's Up Front?-Unable to afford mannequins, an authoritarian shopkeeper from Bavaria forces his daughter to post as one in their store front. Business is good until she is mistakenly molested by one of the town's mannequinophiles.
-Lucas

Laws
This one is scary because Jamie and I came up with almost the exact same answer.

In New York City it is against the law to shake...your wiener more than twice, because then you're just playing with yourself.
-Heidi

In New York City it is against the law to shake...more than twice after peeing, 'cuz that's just playing with yourself.
-Jamie

In the state of Illinois it is against the law for barbers to apply....teat milk.
-David

Names

Deppy Adams-John Adams' illegitimate mulatto slave child.
-David

José Ramón del Cuet-Holder of two world records for the Mexican hat dance. One for the two-story hat and the other for the length.
-Shawn?

Judith Shackleford-Invented the "Shackle-Ford" automobile restraint system, which bound the driver's neck to the seat-back It was quickly discontinued, as it gained a near-perfect beheading rate.
-Jamie

Judith Shackleford-The founder of the Shackleford Shacks Company. Idol to mountain men and bums alike.
-Melanie

Ludwig Roselius-Inventor of the pooper schkooper.
-Heidi

Hans Wilsdorf-Died tragically in 1936 in a terrible Yard-O-Beef accident.The beef was unharmed!
-Shawn

Acronyms

A.M.A. Americans For The Molestation of Animals
-Jamie

B.E.P.A. Big Evil Poopy Ass
-Heidi

B.E.P.A. Belch/Eructation Prolongation Association
-Jamie

C.R.B.A. Children Really Be Annoying
-Heidi

I.F.T.W.A. Icelanders For The War Against
-Thomas

I.F.T.W.A. Insatiable Fat Truckers Wanting Alfredo
-Jamie

R.M.H.F. Robot Monkey Help Fund
-Heidi