Heidi Says 021

Do you think we could have a slumber party soon? No boys that hurt? Just me, you, a bed with pink sheets, some booze and some long overdue tears?

IM Hilarious: How To Be Bitschy

Coolgirl: can you think of anything bitchy i can say?

Heidi:how about
"don't worry, I'll keep your douschebaggery on the dl"
but without the s
because that looks german

IM Hilarious: Jaded Mamas

StepfordHater: Where have you been?

Heidi: i've been around
why?

StepfordHater: Haven't seen you in ages, not even running into you at TJ. Miss you.
I can't believe Cole is 13.

Heidi:sigh
i know
yikes
i hate tj
not the school
I just have a phobia of other parents

StepfordHater: I like talking to people. But sometimes it just makes me feel like a freak.

Heidi: I fear that I am being judged
although
I may not be
but I don't believe myself when myself tries to talk reason

StepfordHater: Pfft. I think we can safely say that most of the time we ARE being judged.

Heidi: Oh good! You think I am being judged too?
So myself is not as crazy as myself previously thought?
Or at least yourself is AS crazy as myself

StepfordHater: lol. Silly. I think I'm being judged. But yeah, I'm sure you're being judged too. And statement #3 is my choice

Heidi: awesome
Also I am judging them
but don't tell anyone
While they talk Elmo and potty training with their ridiculous outfit and makeup for no one I smile to myself and think "You silly sucker."

StepfordHater: of course you are. most people are wandering around judging other people. in your case, however, I just miss seeing you around.

Heidi: Oh right! We should do summathat

StepfordHater: huh, I am learning to escape all the toddler baby talk.
But I still feel somewhat jealous on the outfit/makeup thing as I wander around in my wet hair and pjs
If only I could at least manage a decent ponytail

Heidi: Hmph. I just feel cuter because I'm about a thousand years younger.

StepfordHater: LOL
you are both of those fo sure

Heidi: So myself scoffs and says myself "Your makeup can't fix the old"
which is a horrible thing to say
because I will be old soon

StepfordHater: younger at heart goes a long way too. S is much older and she seems youthful in spirit to me.
I've been feeling way old lately.

Heidi: oh yes, I am young at heart
I'm like
10
maybe

StepfordHater: Umm yeah I don't think so.

Heidi: you don't think I'm quite 10?

StepfordHater: 8 maybe.

Heidi: but I have such a potty mouth for an 8 year old
Why are you feeling so old?
brush your ponytail and buy some lipgloss
and cute socks
and matching underwear
that your husband likely won't notice

StepfordHater: I'm cold all the time and my knees hurt. Ancient.

Heidi: I have crows feet and gray hair that just appeared this year

StepfordHater: I bought a package of mens black socks to wear to bed so my toes don't turn flippin purple.
soooo cold
crows feet is not right - you mean laughing eyes, right?

Heidi: hm. laughing eyes? They are quite silent
and wrinkly

The Savvy Diner: Tipping For Dummies

Trying to figure out what to blog about that won't ruffle feathers at this stage in my life is next to impossible. Hell, trying to figure out a facebook status sometimes takes five minutes. "Can I write about bubblegum? They can't read anything into bubblegum, right?"

The benign topic of today is going to be tipping your server. Because I an working as a server and it is a topic near and dear to my heart and wallet. First and foremost, you should never tip less than 20% unless you service was horrible. And I am talking service, not circumstances beyond your server's control, like how long your food took. If you have a problem with something like that, your server should apologize, and you should speak to a manager. Don't take it out on your server. If the manager takes the item off of your check, you should thank your server for making it right by tipping them on what the check would have been. Exceptional service should get above 20%.

Your server makes about 2.13 an hour from the restaurant. They have to tip out about 3% of their sales to the service bar, food runners, and bus boys. Most likely their restaurant claims 14% of their sales for them for tax purposes which is most likely where all of their money from their paycheck end up. So if you tip your server less than 17%, they will have to pay taxes on money you didn't tip them, because the restaurant assumes you are a savvy diner and wouldn't dream of tipping less than 17%. It also means if you are douchey enough to leave a 3% tip or less, you actually cost your server money by dining. Be a savvy diner, don't be that guy.

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Video Games

Video game hyper focusing makes me so pacified while I'm doing it, and so disenchanted with myself when I'm done. I can't backspace and add more time to the day. The only pacifier for this disenchantment for having done nothing of substance all day? It is obviously *not* doing something of substance, because I have already been so unproductive for such a huge percentage of the day that there isn't enough time left that I could do enough to ctrl-z the wasted time. No, the logical thing to do is cure my disenchantment with more video games and F5 this shit tomorrow. Surely the me of tomorrow will be productive.

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