Things I Never Thought I Would Say

"You injured yourself twice today eating soup."

How to tell when a Boy has Lost Interest in You

He stops reading your blog

On The Horrendous Movie "The Prince"

"He's so bad ass and aloof! He doesn't even like his guns!"
-Heidi

Dexter Says

After walking in the bathroom...

"Someone was leaking all day!"

Things I Never Thought I Would Say

"Eat a pop-tart before you eat real food."

Things I Never Thought I Would Say

"NO! No hips don't lie in my house!"

IM Hilarious: Commitment

Commitmentphobe: I'm freaking out some

Heidi: Why?

Commitmentphobe: Still seeing that guy. Getting feelings. It's hard.
It's hard to adjust to someone
And I'm so insecure

Heidi: Aw. It's the first and best hill of the roller coaster. Enjoy it

Commitmentphobe: I'm trying to do that and not just be sitting here afraid for the other shoe to drop
He hasn't done anything wrong, it feels mean to distrust him, you know? But people are dicks

Heidi: Yes. People are dicks and the other shoe will eventually drop. But hopefully the other shoe won't be a croc covered with dog shit. Maybe it'll just be like a penny loafer or something.

Measurable Progress

On February 21, 2011, I was in a terrible spot. I had been separated a little over half a year. I was impoverished with no end in sight. I was working two jobs and exhausted. It didn't matter how much I worked, I would not be able to make my rent. It was just a matter of how slowly I wanted to drown. My children had the day off of school and I wanted to do something with them. I told them we were taking a "poor man's trip to Baltimore." We drove to the Inner Harbor. I couldn't afford to buy tickets to anything so we visited the gift shops to Hard Rock Cafe, Port Discovery Children's Museum, and the Baltimore Aquarium. I told them someday we would have more money and be able to go in. Then I bought them hot chocolates and we came home.

Today we went to Baltimore again. I have enough money for parking, gas, lunch, Ripley's Believe It Or Not, an overpriced sushi dinner at a restaurant on the water, and cookies for dessert. It was a great day. It was a poignant day. I'm proud of how far I have come.

Great Quotes

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
-Theodore Roosevelt

420

Cole: (pointing at whiteboard) Ipad sign up 4:20!

Heidi: What?

Cole: Ipad sign up 4:20!

Heidi: Ugh. Why are you in high school?

Cole: I don't know.

Heidi: Stop saying that.

Slipping Through My Fingers

I'm depressed again. Maybe it's the weather. I'm finding myself dragging through days. I'm having to pep talk myself out of a nap and hurl internal abuse at myself for the stupid procrastination that keeps happening.
My oldest son just turned 16. If he leaves for college when he is 18, I have less than 2 years to finish training him to be a functional adult and a thoughtful roommate. I want my children to feel empowered and capable. I spent the weekend refining their adult skills: cooking, baking, buying textbooks online, organizing a closet, using bleach.
I wanted to provide a nice life for them. I'm still in college and by the time I am able to provide a better life for them, they will be gone. That makes me so sad.
I feel like I'm 19 again. I'm living just the way I did then, except this time there are 3 children in my tiny apartment, stretching my tiny budget. I wanted them to have better. I wanted to do better for them.
And what of the rest of my life? What of that? So much time has been spent undoing and relearning. I'm tired of the constant struggle. I'll keep doing it. I get up to fight another day each morning, but I'm so tired.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say

In response to "Mommy, what is my chore today?"

"I write these things down so I don't have to answer your questions."

Down to the River

I love the water. I used to think it was just the ocean, but since moving very near to the Potomac, I have realized I am not just a saltwater fish.  I commute using the George Washington Memorial Parkway which follows the river and is actually a National Park. I am so in love with the river that I have nearly run off the road on several occasions because the river is distracting me.

Reagan National Airport is along the Parkway and there are train tracks that run along side it and cross it at one point. I consider it a perfect trifecta if during one trip I see a plane, a train and a boat. It makes me so incredibly satiated when this happens. All of those people, going somewhere else. So many ways to go. So many places.

This was taken today at Gravelly Point. Parts of the river are frozen with fresh snow on top. Aside from a couple of taxis waiting for calls from the airport, and many seagulls, I was alone. I know it's freezing, and the wind along the river takes your breath away, but I still couldn't believe it. The river was incredible. How was everyone not here capturing this moment?

Cordboard

Dexter: Look at that sign. It says Cord for Board.

Heidi: Yeah.

Dexter: it should just say cord board. Because that's what it is. It's a board.