Anthony Says

"Children of the goddamn corn!"

Dream: The Cripple and the Baby

There was a cul-de-sac shaped thing full of deep water and surrounded by a wooden wall with a steep fall on the other side. I was on a sailboat with a baby girl and man who had some serious health problems. He also was either missing an arm or didn't have use of his arm. The water started getting ridiculously rough and I was sure the boat would capsize. The rough sea pushed the boat up to the edge of the wooden barrier. I jumped onto it with the baby and then walked briskly down it trying to balance with the baby. The water got rougher and was spilling over the side and I realized the whole place would be flooded soon. I also realized that I wouldn't be able to swim very long holding the baby. I turned to the man to ask him if he thought he could swim with the baby, but then I realized that with his health problems and only having use of one arm, he couldn't even swim himself. I realized I would likely have to eventually drop the baby and watch both of them die and not try to save them. I knew that any attempt to save them would likely result in all of us drowning, and that I could only save myself.

Picking Up The Pieces

I'm lonely but that's ok. The Lonely used to consume me with terror. Now the lonely is bearable. Now the lonely is empowering.
I'm doing it. I'm picking up the pieces. I'm surviving. I learned how to make it through panic without a security blanket. I'm learning to soothe myself. I'm focusing on my own goals and making them a priority for the first time. I'm killing the procrastination. I can totally do this.
Some days are so hard. There are times where I just keep my head down and take a step at a time. But it won't always be like this and that is comforting.
I'm a fighter.