IM Hilarious: IM Not OK

Heidi: I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round

Jamie: Say you've got this friend, and she can't stand being on the planet. What good advice might you give her?

Heidi: What?
Are we talking about you
Jame?

Jamie: Doesn't matter. This is a hypothetical situation.

Heidi: Uh...therapy, friends hanging out of, outside, hobbies, journal, feeling good book
In that order
What's going on?

Jamie: K, got it, thx.

Heidi: What's going on cryptic

Jamie: I am a boy of mystery

Heidi: :-(
Spam is a mystery
is this H?

Jamie: No, another good friend of mine

Heidi: G?

Jamie: Hint: you've known her a loooong time.

Heidi: me?
huh?

Jamie: Yeah. Was fishing for a way for you to give yourself some advice without you knowing it.

Heidi: Oh
Ok

Jamie: Cuz you have to sneak up on that girl; she's dodgy.

Heidi: How do you catch a unique girl?

Jamie: Unique up on her and shoot her with a tranquilizer gun. Then you bring her home, strip her and tie her to the bed.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say 030

"Ok, take your fingers out of the holes in your face."

How To Make Me Swoon 015

Heidi: I'm going to go put make-up on.

Cole: Make-up just covers up the beautiful.

Effective Parenting

"Shut up! SHUT UP! No one even likes you when you act like this!"

It's Sad Because It's True

Jamie: Goodbye, Sweet Sorrow.

Heidi: Goodbye. Is that my new nickname?

Jamie: Yes. What do you think?

Heidi: It's fitting.

How To Make Me Swoon 014

This kid makes the 12 year old girl in everyone swoon...

Heidi Says 014

"Man, your face is crazy."

Heidi Says 013

"No one knows why Tai Chi is dorker Kung Fu."

Vanity At The Vanity

In the bathroom. Jamie has finished brushing his teeth and left about two minutes ago. I'm posing in the mirror. He pokes his head back in.

Jamie: You're supposed to follow me to bed.

Heidi: Well, I was gonna pee but then I got distracted by this hot girl in here. (Pointing at the mirror)

Jamie: I totally just caught you narcissizing.

A Lesson Not Learned

Heidi: Hey Dexy. How was the day?

Dexter: Fine

Heidi: Did you have some trouble today?

Dexter: Did I?

Heidi: I'm asking you.

Dexter: No....Did I?

Heidi: Well Ms. R said that you had to go to the office today.

Dexter: Oh yeah. But I wasn't in trouble. I just had to go to the office because I wasn't working well with my friends. But I didn't have to see the principal or anything.

Heidi: What did you have to do?

Dexter: I just had to do my work at the office because I wasn't working well with my friends.

Heidi: Oh.

Dexter: And it was really fun! I saw Mor Mor there!

How To Make Me Swoon 013

My five year old neighbor loves me to pieces for some reason. I've never seen anyone so happy to see me. He just comes running at me with open arms and beaming smile and jumps into my arms. When he gets mad at his parents he tells them that he will runaway to my house. Recently he told his mother "When I see Miss Heidi my eyes turn into little hearts." Swooning ensued. I think when I grow up I might marry him.

Things I Need To Tattoo On My Wrist 005

Do not be the last poonani.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say 029

“Please don't touch my straw with your nasty grubby kid mitts."

It's Funny Because It's True 014

Heidi: Her husband thinks I'm something else.

Jamie: That's because her laces are so straight.

Heidi: Yeah. He always looks at me kinda funny. Like he can't believe that they make me.

Jamie: Well they don't very often

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