Feign, Fain Deny What I Have Spoke

This scene takes place in my front yard. I am leaving a voice mail for my cousin, Shawn. Also, I am using a British accent.

Heidi: Well, I didn't really want to leave you a message, see I wanted to actually talk to your face, ahh or at least your earball and you won't answer your phone so why won't you answer your phone? 'Cause I want to talk to you...um give me a call on my cellie when you get the chance. Okay? Bye-bye.

Neighbor That I Didn't Know Was There: Were you just leaving a message for someone in an feigned British accent?

Heidi: Yes.

Neighbor That I Didn't Know Was There: ...Alright.

Thomas Says 006

In response to question 19 on my quiz...

"That was a hard one. Who doesn't like to go to the mall? And you can play Guitar Hero at the mall."

Told Ya There'd Be A Quiz

1. Which obscure holiday was I born on?
   a) Earth Day
   b) Cinco De Mayo
   c) Labor Day
   d) Memorial Day
   e) Arbor Day
   
2. Where was I born?
   a) Washington DC
   b) Virginia
   c) Nepal
   d) California
   e) Tennessee
   
3. How many siblings do I have?
   a) 10 total. 6 halves, 4 steps.
   b) 3 brothers.
   c) 2 brothers and a sister.
   d) 6 total. 5 halves. 1 step.
   e) 2 brothers
   
4. I was almost named.....
   a) Chrysanthemum
   b) Tammy
   c) Venus
   d) Kelly
   e) Sapphire
   
5. How old was I when I went on my first date?
   a) 9. I was totally boy crazy starting in 4th grade
   b) 14. We went to a church dance in our Sunday best
   c) 13. And I had to sneak out to do it
   d) 12. My mother trailed us all over the mall
   e) 16. I wasn't allowed out of the house until then
   
6. Which (school approved) extra curricular activities did I participate in?
   a) Choir and Sports Medicine
   b) Band and Track
   c) Debate Team and Cheerleading
   d) Drama and Dance Team
   e) Junior Republicans and Lacrosse
   
7. I've known my best friend, Liz, since we were...
   a) 9. We both were car sick on a field trip.
   b) 4. We met at a birthday party.
   c) 13. I had a crush on her boyfriend.
   d) 18. We met at the local community college.
   e) 22. Our kids were in playgroup together.
   
8. When and where did I meet my husband?
   a) I was 17, he was 23, & we were under the bleachers
   b) I was 19, he was 21, & I asked him to buy me beer
   c) I was 18, he was 20, & we were drunk at beach week
   d) I was 15, he was 21, and he was my camp counselor
   e) I was 16, he was 22, and we worked together
   
9. In high school I could be found...
   a) roaming the halls with my clique of mean girls.
   b) smoking in the girls room.
   c) singing in the choir or studying in the library
   d) canoodling with my high school sweetheart
   e) nowhere. I skipped school and partied constantly.
   
10. Did I Graduate?
    a) Yes. In June 1997.
    b) Yes. Early from an independent study program.
    c) No. I was expelled and locked up in juvie.
    d) No. I got knocked up, dropped out and got a GED.
    
11. I was infamous for...
    a) Stealing other people's boyfriends
    b) Running away, sneaking out, and partying
    c) spending time in a juvenile facility
    d) Having bars and sensor lights on my window
    e) All of the above
    
12. My favorite food is...
    a) Fresh salsa. I'll drink it if there aren't chips.
    b) Watermelon. My fave melon of all melanie melons.
    c) Cucumbers. They don't taste like shampoo.
    d) Escargot. Mmmm...so much garlic.
    e) All of the above.
    
13. The year I was 18 I...
    a) graduated high school
    b) moved out
    c) got pregnant
    d) got married
    e) all of the above
    
14. How many boyfriends have I had?
    a) 3. After all, I got married at 18!
    b) 5. After all, I started early!
    c) 12. I was a little boy crazy!
    d) 26. I had a really short attention span!
    e) So many that I am embarassingly not really sure.
    
15. What TV show do I never miss?
    a) House. OMG Hugh Laurie is so hot when he is a jerk
    b) Supernanny. Hence my perfect children.
    c) Dancing with the Stars. Everybody's doing it.
    d) I lack the commitment for TV shows.
    e) American Idol. I love it so much I auditioned once
    
16. I was in a band called
    a) Pop Tart
    b) Pepper & Nutmeg
    c) The Skirts and Suits
    d) The Spins
    e) Pop Rocks
    
17. My kids are named
    a) Cole, Miles, and Dexter
    b) Lyle, Andrew, and Kurt
    c) Alex, Kyle, and Baxter
    d) John, Ringo, and Paul
    e) Thomas, David, and Jonathan
    
18. My favorite things to do are
    a) exercise, garden, cook
    b) needlepoint, sing in the choir, arrange flowers
    c) sail, fish, hike
    d) hunt, watch nascar, scrapbook
    e) act, dance, karaoke
    
19. I would rather
    a) play basketball than make dinner
    b) play guitar hero than go to the mall
    c) pet an earthworm than speak in front of thousands
    d) be a doctor than work at hooters
    e) break my femur than have a random person die
    
20. I am afraid of
    a) disclosing information, vampires, atom bombs
    b) natural disasters, technology, and closed spaces
    c) public speaking, spiders, and the red states
    d) animals, death, and sports
    e) bugs, clutter, and fires
    
21. What does my husband call me?
    a) Hydro
    b) High Maintenance
    c) Darling
    d) Shorty
    e) Boo
    
22. My house looks
    a) immaculate. I am a neat freak.
    b) a bit cluttered.
    c) like a tornado hit it.
    d) clean, but not a museum.
    
23. What do I hate wearing?
    a) underwear
    b) clothes
    c) jewelry
    d) make up
    e) shoes

ANSWERS and where you can find them: 1.b, 2.d here, 3.a, 4.d, 5.d, 6.a, 7.c, 8.e, 9.e, 10.b, 11.e here, 12.a, 13.e here, 14.e, 15.d, 16.d, 17.a, 18.e here, 19.b here and here, 20.d here and here, 21.a, 22.c here, 23.e

Dexter Says 029

Whilst pointing the remote at David...

"I'm going to push subtitles because sometimes you say really weird words I can't understand.

24/7!!! For one day only!

Miles: Mommy was singing this song 24/7 all day yesterday.

Thomas: 24/7? Just yesterday, huh?

Miles: Yes.

Dexter Says 028

While retelling the punchline of a Geico commercial...

"I just saved taxes on my car account!"

How To Make Me Swoon 009

Be funny, be British, wear eyeliner....

Heidi: Russell Brand is my new crush.

Jamie: I had a feeling that would happen.

Heidi: How did you know?

Jamie: Because he's freaking Johnny Depp.

Heidi: I know! And he's always a pirate! With eyeliner! He's not quite as good as Johnny Depp though.

Jamie: I know but he's a knock off.

Heidi: Yeah. He's like the Giant brand macaroni & cheese. He's not the cheesiest, but he'll do in a pinch.

Things I Never Thought I Would Say 020

"Don't write mean things about your brother on your leg with magic marker."

It's Funny Because It's True 004

While playing a very important game of Farm Frenzy 2...

Heidi: No NO! Don't take my chickens!

Cole: If anyone hears you say that they'll lock you up in the cuckoo shack.