Dexter Says 037

"I just made a taco smell after I ate at Taco Bell."

Great Quotes 004

"There was the day-when having withdrawn the functional promise I had made her on the eve (whatever she had set her funny little heart on-a roller rink with some special plastic floor or a movie matinee to which she wanted to go alone), I happened to glimpse through the bathroom, through a chance combination of mirror aslant and door ajar, a look on her face...that look I cannot exactly describe...an expression of helplessness so perfect that it seemed to grade into one of rather comfortable inanity-just because this was the very limit of injustice and frustration-and every limit presupposes something beyond it-"
-Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita

The Sweetest Thing In The Whole Wide World Is A Happy Girl

Mexico Heidi was relaxed and happy and laughed all the livelong day. Unfortch, DC Heidi is surly and bitchy and cynical most of the time. I was tagged by RedSneaks to list 10 things that make me happy. This is probably a very good, albeit difficult, exercise for February, since February almost always makes me wanna stick my head in an oven.

1. My family.
   A very close friend recently was giving me the 30 second synopsis of why she had issues with her dad. She ended it by saying, "My dad is the person that I love more than anything in the world, and also the person I hate more than anything in the world." I am so in love with my family, but they reduce me to tears more often than I'm willing to publicly admit.
2. Hip bones.
   When I lie on my back and my two hip bones stick out and they make this little empty space where my belly is concave and my underwear goes straight across. I'm in love with that.
3. Performing.
   In any capacity anywhere. I even love auditioning. I do not like performing in front of my immediate family. That's the only place I am shy.
4. Music.
   I use music to remember, to conjure a feeling that I need, to access a person that isn't there. It's so much more than music to me.
5. People.
   I'm addicted to meeting new people like heroine. When I'm going somewhere where there will be new people I get giddy with anticipation. I love listening to them talk and learning about them. I love my friends fiercely.
6. Food.
   I must have delicious food to be happy.
7. Touch.
   I'm a very touchy person. A kind touch is something exquisitely lovely to me, and I long for it with every fiber of my being. I sigh when I see a couple walk by with arms around each other. A friend of mine once touched his wife's face so sweetly that I got a lump in my throat. I will always extend a kind touch if I think you need it. If you have a stray tear I will brush it away. If you are sobbing I will hold you. That's how I show you that I love you.
8. Words.
   I'm a student of communication. I love words-written and spoken. I often remember them verbatim. If words hurt me, it cuts me to the quick. If you give me a sweet compliment, especially if it's beautifully worded, it can sustain me through surprising trials. Mark Twain said that he could live two months on a good compliment. Me too.
9. Art.
   And by art, I mean everything beautiful. In all of it's forms. It amazes me. Making stuff is awesome.
10. Growing things
    Especially things I can eat. There's nothing quite like it. House plants don't really count.

I'm supposed to tag people back that I think need cheering, but doesn't everyone need cheering in February? So, I'll tag Jon at The Uncharted Journey, Brittney of The Adventures of Joe and Britt, and Dana of Happy Life as an Army Wife.

Overheard in Mexico

"This is a disaster of a joint."

Christian B Says 001

"Then you get the fish cramp & it messes up your conch. It gets all gross."

Miles Says 021

about the movie Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas that a clueless babysitter let him watch...

"I did NOT understand. So confused by the guy smoking the cigarette, and then there were dinosaurs."

0% Exotic

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
Boston
The West
North Central
The Northeast
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The South
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Which American accent do you have? Western Western is kind of neutral, but not quite since it's still possible to tell where you`re from. So you might not actually be from the West (but you probably are). If you really want to sound "neutral," learn how to say "stock" and "stalk" differently.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

The Yankee Test Says: "46% Dixie. Barely in Yankeedom"

I have no accent. None whatsoever. I have taken many scientifical internet tests and I have a total non-regional accent. And for this I am sad because I love almost all accents. I wish I had an exotic accent. Actually almost any accent would do. I mean, except some sort of New York/New Jersey/New England and I don't want a backwoods twangy one (which is totally different than the very cute deep south drawl). Sometimes I try one on for fun when no one I know is looking. After having watched Flight of the Conchords for two or three days straight, I spoke in a New Zealand accent for an entire shopping trip once. My kids didn't call me out on it or even ask the whole time. They are too used to my weirdness.

My question is, does a non-regional American accent sound cute to anyone? Probably not here in the US, but maybe in other countries? Is there anyone anywhere that hears it and says "I love your accent!" I get the feeling that all American accents sound like a slack-jawed-yokel to the rest of the English speaking world. I think it's so prevalent in the movies and on TV that it just sounds like how water tastes.

And for fun, here is a World Guess My Accent quiz. And here is an American Guess My Accent quiz.

NYC Oddities

Miles Says 020

"Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of snow. And when it's dry and ready...where'd my dreidel go?"

Cole Says 016

to his McFlurry...

"I don't think you contain nuts."

Dexter Says 036

"I know why you're The Brattychick. Because bratty means a brat. And chick means you're cute. And you're both."

Miles Says 019

"You can't spend my own money!"

Mom Says 002

To the waitress...

"Now, tell me about the rum. Is it alcohol?"

Is It Me Or Are Valentines Getting Mighty Specific?

Cole Says 015

to Jamie...

"Futz your stink!"

Jokes We Made Up 003

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't lead a horticulture.

-by me & my dad

Jokes We Made Up 002

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Daryl."

"Daryl who?"

"Daryl gone now, but dey'll come back."

-by Jamie

Jokes We Made Up 001

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Narnia."

"Narnia who?"

"Narnia business."

-by Cole.

Cole Says 014

"Whoever smelt it... it's Daddy."

Or Maybe 14 Year Old Boy

TV:...a confused man...

Jamie: You are a confused man.

Heidi: No I'm not. Wait. Maybe I am. Actually, I think I am totally a confused man.

The DMV Makes Me A Little Punchy. I'm Over It. Really.

I shouldn't have ever changed my last name. The DMV is still asking me for my marriage license 12 years later. And that reminds me, we just celebrated #12 on blizzard #1. So to everyone who took bets at my wedding: pay up, suckers. Come on, I know you did it. And I also know that none of you placed bets for more than five years. It's fine.

It Doesn't Take Much

At Chicago O'Hare airport...

Cole: There are like, gilded space age urinals in there.

My mom: Were you admiring them?

Cole: Yes.

It's Funny Because It's True 013

At karaoke...

Person Singing "Lean On Me": I'll share your load, if you just call me...

Boy 1: I'll share your load. Heh heh.

Boy 2: Load. Ha ha.

More Boys crack up.

Girl: What?

Boy 2: Load.

Girl: Huh?

Heidi: [stage whisper] It's funny because it's about poop.

Miles Says 018

In response to me asking him to get his fingers out of his mouth...

"They taste like olives."

I'll Tell You What You Can Do With Your Snow

Jamie: I'm gonna go snowblow.

Heidi: Go blow snow.

Heidi Says 011

about my boys eating breakfast at the kitchen island...

"It's the island of misfit boys."

Snow With Dexter

Cole is off at a friends house, Miles is out with his Daddy, Dexy and I made an igloo...just like Max.

Urban Dictionary: RAD

Jamie: You move your butt constantly.

Heidi: I have restless ass disorder. RAD.

It's Funny Because It's True 012

Dexter: Some people actually eat cockroaches!

Heidi: Those are people that don't have steak, I think.

Little Pitchers

Heidi: you were eavesdropping!

Miles: I have ears!

Heidi: Well stop using them!

Dexter Says 035

"Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Please help me not to throw up because of these tomatoes. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
Later on..."but it turned out they were roma tomatoes, so it wasn't really that big a deal."

Adriel

On January 2nd 2008 I bought a Betta fish named and named him Adriel. I bought a fish because my youngest child had gone off to school and I needed something to take care of. I named him Adriel because that was the name I wanted to name my oldest child, but my husband said "No." That is what he says to mostly everything I ask him. Except he didn't say it that nicely that time. Adriel is a boys' name, by the by, albeit a kinda girly boys name, and here is my proof. But he was a very beautiful fishy, so it seemed right that he should have a fancy name.

As I have mentioned previously, I am frightened of animals. This was the beginning of my exposure therapy. I bought myself a pet that I didn't have to pet!

Adriel was the most friendly little fish I've ever met. Miles even taught him how to jump. I was very sad when he died last November. I buried him near my morning glories that are the same shade of blue as he.

I started writing a little memorial blog for him, but I didn't want to do it until I could get my pictures of him off of my phone. But my phone was broken and wouldn't send picture messages. It had been like that for a few years. A few weeks ago, while we were in line for Lombardi's Pizza in New York (which? so freaking delicious) Jamie decided he'd had enough and called our service provider to tell them. And what do ya know? They fixed it right over the phone. In like five minutes. So now you know how lazy I am. But also I now have pictures of Adriel (and also a good many other people that were stuck on my phone).

Here is my nice fishy Adriel. Wasn't he just beautiful?

Adriel 2007-11/24/2009

My Cole

On Sunday I received an interesting email. The subject was "Your Cole" and I didn't recognize the address at first, but then I realized it was from a neighbor of ours. Here is what it said:

[My son, my wife] and I were out for a walk just before sundown on this chilly Sunday and we saw Cole and friend selling hot chocolate. I had a buck in my pocket, so I figured what the hey. Deadpan hilarity ensued:

Me: How long have you been out selling the hot chocolate?

Cole: Many an hour.

Me: You don't seem much worse for the wear.

Cole: We don't seem:

You just can't teach that.

Anyway, felt the need to pass that along. Obviously.

A Little Irreverence

Heidi: If you haven't started your evening routine in five minutes, you're going straight to bed...without supper.

Dex: We already had supper.

Miles: But that was the last supper.

[Jamie gives Miles a look.]

Miles: What? Jesus joke.

And on a related note (but a completely different group of people) for your viewing pleasure, a budget rendition of the last supper. We had to let some of the disciples go because of these tough economic times, so we're short eight or so. We also hadn't much to eat but ketchup and Guinness.

Thomas, Heidi, Chris, Shawn, Nikki

Jamie Says 016

to Miles...

"Ew. What is it? Are you flossing my ear-hind?"

Heidi Says 010

to Dexter...

"If you don't do what I asked, I am going to blog that thing you just did."