Johnny B Goode

Whilst trying to explain what a great-grandparent was.

Jamie: John's not a great-grandfather. He's just a grandfather.

Dexter: John's not bad! He's just hyper!

How To Make Me Swoon 012

Sing to me about how you like the flawed tough girl, because I am a sadder but wiser girl. Some boys don't like girls like us. Oh, but some boys do. This is a clip from the 1962 version of The Music Man. Most of the music from the play is really interesting. Meredith Willson does some really cool things with rhythm and onomatopoeia. I love this song. The lyrics make me smile. If you haven't seen this movie, you should. The 1962 version.

Does That Mean She's A Hussy?

Heidi: I need to put these tickets on Craig's List tonight.

Miles: Oh no! Don't put them on Craig's List.

Heidi: Why not?

Miles: What if a hobo comes?

Heidi: As long as they give me $100 I don't care who comes. That's just...how...I...roll.

Miles: Well that's disturbing.

Heidi: It actually was much more disturbing than you even know.

Merry Christmas

It's Funny Because It's True 011

boy: You're insane.

me: Yeah, but I'm good at other stuff.

Dexter Says 034

"How would I freakin' cut the cheese without knowing?" [pauses] "Is that bloggable?"

Cole Says 013

in the middle of me trying to explain something totally unrelated...

"I wonder if fish can have ADD."

Embrace the Awkward

Cole: Lady Gaga's clothes are so weird.

Heidi: I know. She's like a walking piece of museum.

Cole: But she's like that dive museum.

Heidi: That museum wasn't a dive. You're just used to the Smithsonian.

Cole: But it was all naked people.

Heidi: No it wasn't.

Jamie: I like naked people.

Cole: Yeah, but there's only so much you can do with naked people.

Heidi: You can do plenty with naked people. You're just not old enough yet.

[My brothers, who are home from college, squirm as we crack up.]

Heidi: Man, you've been away from home too long.

Jamie: Embrace the awkward.

scandalized at the Weatherspoon Art Museum in Greensboro, NC

Great Quotes 003

"Poor kind Tootles, there is danger in the air for you to-night. Take care lest an adventure is now offered you, which, if accepted, will plunge you in deepest woe. Tootles, the fairy Tink, who is bent on mischief this night is looking for a tool, and she thinks you are the most easily tricked of the boys."

-Peter and Wendy by J. M. Barrie

Heidi Says 007

"Marriage is a sad thing to do to something that was really beautiful one time."

An Anonymous Supervisor Nurse Says

...to my anonymous friend who is a new nurse...

"You know that suppository isn't going to work. I just let you do it because I know you like the rectum."

Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

Shakira's dancing is so weird that it makes me hate her. And her "sexy" face comes off more mentally handicapped than provocative. She's confused and mediocre. I don't think she is original in the slightest and what she's trying to pull off is better done by the Britneys and Beyonces of the world. Have you seen her awful video for her awful song "She Wolf"? Saying that you need to let the "[she wolf] out so it can breathe" is a metaphor that doesn't really work. It makes me think of 70s bush with a yeast infection. Well, at least some good has come of this train wreck. It spawned this fantastic spoof entitled "She Spazz". Forgive the terrible spelling of the subtitles. We can't all be creative and spell better than a third grader.

Heidi Says 006

After Jamie's totally random suggestion that we stop in Foxes Music store after dinner...

"What for we would go to Foxes, when we got cute little powder puff tail like rabbit, Rabbit?"

If you don't recognize this quote, you must watch this.

And consider buying this: