Sir, I Wanna Buy These Shoes...

Have you heard this piece of garbage?

Reasons why this is the worst Christmas song that ever happened:

1. There are no such thing as Christmas shoes. What would they even look like? Do they have Christmas trees decorated with pom poms or some crap? Have you ever seen such a thing? Yeah, me neither.

2. The jerks try the tear jerking and bringing Jesus into it just for the sake of making cheesy people buy their dumb record.

3. If the kid's mom is dying, or even if she isn't why the heck is he out roaming around alone on Christmas Eve? This child needs to be taken into foster care. Obvs his dad is never going to be able to care for him.

4. This song has nothing to do with Christmas except that it takes place on Christmas eve and has 'Christmas shoes' in it (of which there is no such thing-see 1).

5. The cashier hears the sad sob story and then says that the kid can't have the stupid shoes because he doesn't have enough money, I am pretty sure he would have to have a heart as black as coal. Retail workers aren't that heartless on Christmas Eve.

6. The narrator of the song wants props for "laying the money down"! That's the climax of the song! What kind of penny pincher wouldn't give the kid some money for the tacky shoes? What does that narrator guy want? A freaking cookie for not being a card-holding class A scrooge?

7. Lastly, the line "I knew that God had sent that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about." is ridiculous. No, stupid head, God doesn't send little boys with dying mothers to remind all important you about Christmas. This is so not about you.