It's Not Nice To Take People's Balls

My church has an informal basketball team. A friend asked me to come to practice and somehow I forgot how much I hate sports. Nothing strikes The Fear into me like team sports. A lot of it has to do with gym class.

The competitive boys in gym class were horrible and ruined sports for me. They would scream at you any time you made a mistake. The worst was Brooks Hunt. I don't know what was wrong with that kid, but he was purely hateful. He couldn't stand to lose, and would have a screaming tantrum any time a girl didn't execute something according to his standard. I can't take the screaming for something I didn't even mean to do. Ms. Ronemus was our elementary school P.E. teacher and Brooks lived in her back pocket. I don't ever remember him getting reprimanded for his constant loud verbal abuse. Somehow that boy ended up in my gym class almost every year of my life from 4th grade on. Usually when he did his screaming I would completely ignore him, even though it upset me. I typically wouldn't even look at him and that somehow enraged him all the more. There was at least one instance where I cried though. I remember it because it was in elementary school and I walked out of the gym, which was just not done in elementary school. I still have dreams about Brooks Hunt. It's so aggravating,.

I decided I wasn't an athlete. I never played a team sport. It's my Most Terrifying Thing.

I must have forgotten that I'd decided that. I don't know what I was thinking, but when I tried it tonight it was sheer panic the entire time. It's overwhelming and there's too much to pay attention to and I am likely to make a really bad mistake. It's so much pressure.

Sports are so weird. It's like some freaky role playing game. Your friends are suddenly all business. Their serious concentrated faces and odd bodily conduct would be hilarious if it I weren't engaged in something so terrifying. They're all up in your grill. I can't break out of myself to play along. I just look at them and politely say, "Please go away." Judging by how that went over, I guess you can't play basketball that way. If you take my social skills away I am at a loss. I'm not used to going up to people and knocking things out of their hands. I mean, I don't want to take someone's ball away from them. That's just rude. I also don't want to flail my arms around in their face, or almost knock them over to try to get somewhere. People were touching me in some sort of weird sporty aggressive way. I'm already awkward enough without flailing and running into people and falling ungracefully. Oh and the falling is a whole 'nother level of scary. Cause there was this one time I fell and I broke my femur.

In team sports there are too many things to pay attention to in a split second. If everyone would walk instead of run, I might have enough time to think. My girl, Robin, says it gets easier the more you practice. But then you have to practice, and it all gives me The Fear. It is all such a foreign odd scenario for me.

So tonight I eventually freaked out and just said, "I can't do this." Internet, it was so embarrassing. Now they all know I am even weirder than they suspected. I was actually fighting tears.. Ugh. There's no crying in ladies church basketball practice-the all time least stressful sports environment ever. I am a giant pansy. I'm so glad I didn't cry (until I got home) because that is the ridiculous.

I can only assume that team sports affect me the same way public speaking effects most people. I love public speaking. Why can't I be normal and cry over public speaking? Then you would all understand.

Everyone knows you're supposed to do the thing that gives you The Fear so that you can overcome it. But guys, I really don't wanna.