I am so lost right now. Nothing in my life seems right. The religion I was raised on seems wrong for me, but yet, nothing else seems quite right. So maybe there is nothingness after this. Which would suck. Because my kids and brothers are so freaking cool. If they are snuffed like a candle and are forgotten in a hundred years it would be a travesty. That is actually a serious understatement. There isn't a word for how sad that would be. And also because this life has been damn weird, and I keep waiting for it to get right. But I only catch fleeting glimpses of good. But perhaps that's how it is for everyone.
Also, it seems like everything I've ever gotten, was won by default.
I'm drowning. And I am a lone misfit. Too weird for the island of misfit toys, even.
It seems like people were a mistake. We're too damn smart. Monkeys aren't freaking out because they haven't found balance and meaning. It'd been better if I were a monkey. Then I wouldn't have to think so much. And I could just climb trees all day.
Ok, well I am sitting on a curb and about to run about of batteries on my laptop. Sorry about the non-funny of this blog.
I guess I'd better head home at this point. I promise I'll be funnier tomorrow.
-signed
A sad Hydro
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2 comments:
Yanno, I'm I bit older than you, and I still think morbid stuff like this.
I'm not going to say that all religions are the same - far from it - but you having grown up in your faith, and me having arrived rather later to mine, I can bring something from my living room to yours.
One of our greatest teachers, Rebbe Nachman of Bretslav, said to his followers and students that the main point of life is to be happy. How can this be? He himself lived in desperate poverty. His first wife died when he was 18, and he himself when he was in his early 30's.
It's like this. We're ALL drowning. We're ALL misfits. None of us feels like we belong, no one who has any sort of inner life. But we have these brief shining moments that, if we accept them, give us the strength to get to the next one.
What is that saying the unexamined life is worth...??? We all have these moments. I have discovered in my 51 years that these moments help to unwind me so that I can then look at life differently later on. In otherwords even thought these unsettlling moments feel like I am unraveling...it has always turned out in my experience, to be good thing. I bet the catepillar feels upside down in the cocoon and all turned around and confused until it comes out and spreads its wings to fly off as a butterfly. I bet the catepillar doesn't give those prior moments a thought as it gracefully flies around just being beautiful.
I love your blog! Keep on writing only NEVER apologize for being real. You have no idea who maybe reading that connects and heals something!
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